The Rant's ideas to increase car sales

With the American auto industry goin the way of the dinosaurs, the Federal government has stepped in to work with car markers on ways to incentivize (that’s spelled right? I was waitin on Word to red flag it) customers into showrooms. Programs such as the “cash for clunkers” which will “give a cash bonus - perhaps $3,000 to $5,000 to people who trade in older gas guzzlers when they buy more fuel efficient new cars. The cars that are turned in would then be junked rather than sold as used cars.” Why didn’t they call it “cash for trash”? That sounds cooler. Also the feds plan on backin any warranty on any new car purchased (just in case the company goes bankrupt. Good call, glad I thought of that). And the now famous, “we’ll make your payments for you” program, just in case you lose your job after buyin a new car. I think those programs are fine and dandy but I’ve come up with a couple of my own incentives. One is “Service with a smile”, which basically means whenever you come in and get your car serviced, you get serviced too! So if you comin in for like tire rotations, then you’d get like a handjob. Or if you gettin your oil changed, a blow job. For major repairs, sex IS on the menu. Lol. For southern dealerships and dealerships near Negros, you could offer deafening sound systems and 25” rims that match the candy colored paint of the car (Chevy dealerships won’t be able to keep up with the demand, I PROMISE!). GM is offerin free OnStar for a year, but how about for AARP members a year’s supply of Depends or custom fit the car with an oxygen tank! Wow, that’s just what we need. Old drivers with a highly combustible gas strapped to their mobile death beds. Wow. Great idea Tenant, great idea.