Friday, August 29, 2008

Obama goes hard....

Come one, come all to the grandest show in town!!!

Now we have a serious problem here. Before he used to just say “DJ Khaled. We The Best”. Then it became “We the best, who??? WE NIGGA!!!”. Then on random tracks he would say a variety of things, but basically talkin shit. NOW, the muthafucka has taken it tooooo far. On the latest single, “Go Hard” feat T-ye (Kanye is using that T-Pain shit again) from his upcoming album, this muthafucka says: “I do it for the hood, because the hood said I should. If they hatin on you don’t stress, tell them niggas that we the best. Fuck the best, we run this game. Kanye West, Khaled and Pain!” Know what happens when a producer tries to rap? Timberland & Mr. Magoo? Jermaine Dupri? Swizz Beatz? Yung Berg? Rocko the Don? Now imagine when a DJ tries to rap….if his next album is just him over The Runners, I will fly down to Florida and shoot him in the face at point blank with a shirt cannon.

Obama formally accepted his nomination tonite and gave a great speech. I thought it was a great speech, but like I said before he coulda talked about providing coloring books for the elderly and gettin our energy from used diapers and I would still vote for him. I will prolly watch McCain’s speech just to see how far he can distance himself from Bush without disowning the Republican Party. That’s gonna be very interesting. Who woulda thought that a man with “Hussein” in his name would be running for president? Granted, no part of his name has made this a walk in the park, and actually makes him an easier target:

I wonder how far O’Brian and Letterman will take their jokes.

J. Lo has shown her endorsement for Obama today by showin up for a luncheon for the DNC (lookin like a Puerto Rican first lady with a FAT ass lol), who makes music a lot better than Daddy Yankee. Yea, she can be a diva and have outlandish demands, but that fits with Obama’s diva like demands for Universal Health Care (ooo, just cuz I fuck with a person doesn’t mean I always agree with them). But like I said, it’s better than havin someone whose hit song is “Gasolina” (no, I’m not gonna point out the irony, you big boys and girls can do it. It wasn’t a fuckin coincidence. McCain knew exactly why he chose Yankee over Pitbull lol.)

I love the people that McCain has in his corner. CNN does this commentary where they have guests write articles on behalf of the candidate they are endorsing. One of McCain’s SENIOR advisors, Carly Fiorina, wrote about how McCain’s plan will jumpstart the economy and create millions of jobs. I was gonna read the article till I read that she was CEO of Hewlett-Packard during the merger with Compaq. This is the same bitch that cause a profitable company to lose money in the market and LAYOFF thousands of workers. Yea, she worked for AT&T and was instrumental in Lucent going public and Forbes once called her one of the top most powerful women in America but you know what? You’re only as good as your last job. And her last job almost crippled a great standing company. This says to me, when the going gets tough Carly lays off folk. She doesn’t cut back spending. She doesn’t try to reinvent and stir up revenue. She just cuts the “slack” which happen to be the working class of America. I mean, she's on her second marriage which also says to me, she has poor judgement (doesn't matter why she got divorced, it's still poor judgement). Vote McCain, because she is who he’ll be getting advice from…fuckin idiots.

Here we go again, another Jesus sighting. This time on the wings of a moth. I mean, seriously man? That image looks like any Joe schmoe. It looks like the mechanic that “fixed” my car but the check engine light is still on. It looks like the cook at the restaurant who put onions on my burger after I requested no onions. I’m not gonna lie tho, I do get jealous of the instant publicity people get with these “Jesus” sightings. I think I’ma organize the words on my blog so that they form Jesus’ face, or better yet, I’ma vacuum my carpet so that it looks like Jesus. Then I’ll tape it off till reporters show up.

New meanin to slap boxing:

I’ma tell you like George Bush told me: “Fuck you, I’m outta here!”
The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

No one on the corner has swagger like us...

Remember that chick that annoyed the hell outta me? Well it looks like one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Or in this case one woman's trash is another man's catchy hook. I just downloaded some songs some I’m litter this post with HOT FIYAH (like Dylan) cuz ya’ll can’t see me like you got cheap seats lmao.

So let’s get ready for all the back peddling that will occur over the next few months. Because I know the Republicans won’t forget about how the Clintons didn’t think Obama has enough experience but now they are backing him. Damn Democratic flip floppers. You know what would really impress me? If they came out and said they played dirty politics and were tryin to attack Obama anyway they could. I’m really glad Obama stuck to his “Change” platform and didn’t roll in the mud with all the other candidates. The last label he would need is the ABM or Angry Black Man label. There is NO way white people would vote for an ABM into office. They would rather see a CWB or Crazy White Bitch be President first, lol.

The Most Pitiful Non Drugged Out Celebrity is at it again. Jennifer Aniston was seen rockin a ring on her ring finger. Granted a lot of women do that, and the ring clearly isn’t an engagement ring or wedding band…but with her track record, it’s very loser-ish. She really needs to fire her manager or whoever is tellin her it’s ok to wallow in self-pity and make soccer moms around the country feel sorry for you. She needs to stop lookin so desperate cuz no celebrity wants to deal with a head case. Now a field engineer who does blogging on the side might wanna deal with you….so go ahead and leave your phone number Jen, I’ll call you in a couple days (sike, I don’t need any drama in my life).

Seems like new money got ran out by old money….or more like old white dudes didn’t want see a black man shine. Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club in Vegas is closing its doors soon and the area is being sold back to the hotel. I been to the 40/40 in Vegas and it was cool. I didn’t like how it was out of the way of everythin else in the hotel. Usually hotel clubs are found on the first or even second floor of the hotel. To access the 40/40 you had to go down like 2 or 3 flights of stairs before you reached it. If this was an uber exclusive club, then that woulda made sense. But it wasn’t. It was a $20 cover just like any other spot. Vegas is a tough market and I don’t think Jay was ever set up to succeed. O well, he’s thinkin bout opening one up in Chi-town and/or Tokyo.

Speakin of the Carters….what in the fuck hell shit is sister-in-law, Solange, wearin on her feet? Did she step in road kill? Is that a set Tina Turner wigs? I know Beyonce is laughing her ass off lookin at her sister. Because you know their mama dresses them…I guess Mama Knowles was like only one sister can look fly when makin public appearances and that sister is gonna be the richer one.

I guess Mama Knowles is also pickin out outfits for Eva Mendes….

what is this yellow moo moo teddy? It says “I wanna be sexy for you, but not tonight because I have a headache” lol. The things people wear.

Yay for original casting!!!!
Fast & Furious

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Allow me to reintroduce myself....

So I just woke up from a very satisfying nap in order to write this and I’m still tired and unmotivated. But I know there are people out there that depend on me, and will be hurt and confused if I don’t rant on somethin. You’re like my children…Children of the Corn. Lol. Hey man, I just realized I've been doin this for more than a month, I'm nice with it. I'm the Micheal Phelps of this Blog shit!!!!

And we have our first non-official Obama Death Threat. Granted these guys were druggies and not really capable of tying their shoes let alone attacking Obama, I think it’s still a symbolic effort and I think we will see a lot of copy cats for the next year. Sad.

People are mad at Elizabeth Edwards for not comin clean about Sen. John Edwards’ affair. They are sayin that she helped keep it under wraps to help John’s political future. Ok and? It’s not like it was any of our business anyways AND if you ask me, knowin about it earlier would have probably made him a better candidate, lol. I mean a politician without an affair under his belt? I wouldn’t think he was takin his job seriously. Barack probably cheated on Michelle but he was prolly smart enough to do it overseas. If Michelle ever found out, expect to see the White House lawn littered with clothes lol.

RIP Andre Young Jr. Guess we can expect another delay on the Detox album :(

DNC tonight, real big event for most…me, not so much. I haven’t followed politics much because to me, it’s all the same. To me, it’s not about what a candidate can do for you because in all honesty, they don’t really care that much about us. It’s just that one group usually cares less than the other. In this past decade (more like 25 years) that group has been the Republicans. Now when I say ‘us’ I mean the Middle and Poor Class. But even that doesn’t really sway my vote. Common sense does. Past 8 years we’ve had a Republican for a president. I don’t care of his name because it doesn’t matter, his gang affiliations indicate what his ideologies are. The Republicans have ruined our country in EVERY aspect. Financially, educationally, internationally, domestically, oily, energy, every which way. The only thing Republicans have succeeded in doin is creating a bunch of prejudiced, scary ass citizens who turn on the news everyday and feed their fear by seein more of the dismantling of their great country. I don’t care what the Democrats run as their platform. As long as they don’t say, we are shipping more jobs overseas or we need to increase our dependence on oil, or let’s spend more money on a war that isn’t reaping any rewards. Because I know those issues won't help my country. Universal health care sounds a lot less expensive than universal bombing and rebuilding. What was the worst part of the last Democract's term in office? He got a blow job. Well, if that’s what my president needs in order to keep the country running smooth, so fuckin be it. Let’s create a new Cabinet member specifically for that, the Secretary of Dick Sucking. Honestly, if the Republicans were doin a great job with our country, I would vote Republican without blinking twice. Why some people think it’s a good idea to vote Republican, I don’t know, but women still accidentally kill their kids by leavin them in the car with the windows up. Some people are naturally stupid. For the love of this country, please vote Democract in November….we’ve had 8 years of Hell, and 4 years with Democracts maybe uncertain, but it’s better than another 4 years of Hell. Lol, remember the excuse that some people made for voting Republican 4 years ago? Let them clean up the mess that they made? Thanks for being a douche you fuckin moron.

These two are Republicans:

And so is this pastor:

So what if he’s Australian, if he was American, he would be Republican lol.

Obama-Biden interview on how Obama popped the question, lol.

Baseball has added replay to the game helpin the umpires make correct calls. Now umps will be able to witness on the spot how boring baseball is to watch lol.

No more funny videos!!! I’ve ran out….kinda, I could just type in ‘funny’ at YouTube and post what is given but I’m more about quality than quantity. Sooooooooooooo, guess you have to find your own video today.

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Better If Read By 26 Aug 08

I'm back out here in the jungle (meanin I’m not sleepin in my bed again). I saw some homeless people this past weekend and wondered what it would be like to sleep outside for a week. I think I’ma take a week off from work and be homeless. I mean, I’ll still go home to eat dinner, but I’d sleep on park benches and get into bum fights (no homo). Hmmm, sounds like the next reality show…”Who Wants To Be A Homeless Bum!”

I used to hate Reggaeton music, until I lived in a Latin frat house, then I really hated it lol. All day, every party….never ending. But now, I LOVE IT! Why? Because my favorite reggaeton artist, Daddy Yankee, has thrown his support behind presidential hopeful Sen. McCain. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s the equivalent of Obama bringin the Ying Yang Twins on board…hell, it’s like bringing Uncle Luke Skywalker on board. Thank you Daddy Yankee, and thank you McCain for exploiting the Latin community in order to stack up minority votes. Look at how uncomfortable everyone looks in the video:

A ella le gusta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
Como le encanta la gasolina
(Da me mas gasolina!)
HAHAHA, or like the Spanish do: JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!!!

When is cheerleading going to become an Olympic sport? And I don’t mean the Bring It On variety with a bunch of high schoolers. I’m lookin for Dallas Cowgirls, Buffalo Jills, etc. type girls. I mean, could you imagine the international beauty without the silly questions or evening gowns? It would just be swimwear, trampolines, and splits. That’s an event I’d watch.

It appears that Satan is Using Olympic Volleyball to Get Young Boys to Masturbate! Lmao. At least according to the Landover Baptist Church. You know what, this article is soooo funny, I couldn’t do it justice by ranting on it. Just click the link and read.

I just saw this commercial for LEGOS Mars Mission or some shit. And the premise of the commercial was these astronauts were digging around and discovered an alien colony. Then when the “evil” aliens attacks, it's up to the kids to build a hypersonic spaceship and defeat the aliens. The same ones that you invaded by drilling around on a planet that didn’t belong to you. Why don’t we just call this planet North America and the aliens Native Americans? I’m pretty sure when ideas were being tossed around for this commercial, someone said “yea, then we can enslave the alien race and call them Niggaliens”.

Grounds for divorce in my eyes (yes, I'm a shallow bastard):

I mean, that shit just ain't cool (unless she really has a "thyroid" problem)
And I’m out, Jim Carrey in:

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Monday, August 25, 2008

I don't like people playin on my phone

Ugh, Monday. My weekend was cool. Met some new people (yay, I have new friends….and they have MONEY!!! No more broke pimpin!!!). Went to the beach for the first time this summer (eh, it’s always gonna be there, no rush to go). Used sunscreen for the first time in my life (lmao, my black ass got some SPF 50! (Keep that tattoo fresh!)). I’m feelin a bit tired writing this post, so I’m gonna let Jim Carrey be funny for me today.

Yay Dream Team (or Cream Team)!!! They seem to have redeemed the US in the eyes of the world as the basketball stars that they are. They beat Spain in a game that was pretty close. Spain never had the lead after the first 10 mins of the game, but they kept it within 8 pts or less. People that I am lookin forward to seein this season: DWAYNE WADE! My boy is back…and yes, call me Judas because I stopped fuckin with him after the dismal post championship season (2007). But I would claim him (no homo) when playin basketball (you know I always come on the court comparing myself to Wade). My boy is healthy and was kickin ass and takin names. And not just the Gold Medal game, but the entire Olympics. Kobe was Kobe, King James did his thing, and I was really impressed by Carmelo Anthony. All of them came together like Voltron and whooped on them foreigners.

In other Olympic news, it appears that Jamaican superstar, Usain Bolt, is dopin up. Sike, I bet half of you were like “I knew he was too fast.” If he’s on anything its crack not steroids. Look at how skinny and fast he is, you’d think there was an 8-ball at the end of the track. Nah, I wanna draw you attention to the next Karate Kid: Cuban Angel Matos. Below is a video of what happened if you don’t already know.

Clearly the man was cheated. And even more clearer, is his name should not be Angel. More like Diablo. You don’t DQ someone for taking too long in a medal match. I know you guys will say “well rules are rules”, but rules are meant to be enforced at the referee’s discretion. Meaning the ref could have easily given Matos a warning before just disqualifying him. It wasn't a good look on anybody’s part. Not the ref, not Matos and not the Borat prick that won (you complain about Bolt’s showboating, but this guy danced like a fairy after getting an unfair win). I guess this will put a black eye (or at least a broken jaw lol) on the sport of Taekwondo (which is a pansy martial art anyways (and I don’t care if someone takin Taekwondo can kick my ass, I would hope so since they are takin a martial art and I’m not but if I was, I promise you they couldn’t see me with their lax defense and high kicks.))

Joe Bidden is gonna be the VP of America. Well, I hope so because it looks like Obama has lost his advantage over McCain in recent polls. It appears the Clintonites have decided not to vote for Obama because Hilary isn’t on the ticket. I can see why ya mad, but seriously, you’re a dumb shit if you though Hilary was gettin on that ticket. She was like anti-Obama to the point that I wasn’t sure if she was a Republican or Democrat. I know you wanna win, but cutting down a party member is kinda low. Save the hurt for the opposite party. Anyways, it appears Bidden is the “experience” that Obama needs. Sad part about this story is that Bidden has said himself that Obama lacks the experience to become president. Hey Joe, how do your words taste? Wants some hot sauce? Waitin from the Obama camp to see how they will spin this in his favor.

This may be news to you, maybe you don’t care. Maybe I don’t care, but I’ma say it anyways cuz this is my show and if you don’t like it-get the fuck out! Your favorite rap mogul is a bit on the bi-sexual side. I can’t say my source but it’s credible (and you know I don’t like spreadin bullshit) and I don’t wanna say the name cuz I can’t afford to be sued (saving up to go to Brasil next year).

And here’s a fitting video (no Jim Carrey isn’t bi lol):

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!! Take that, take that

Friday, August 22, 2008

See ya monday!

All I wanna do is a zooma zoom zoom zoom ana boom boom – JUST SHAKE YO RUMP!!!

Demons still roam amongst us. Joseph Edward Ducan III of Coeur d'Alene, Idaho is one. Duncan kidnapped a boy, Dylan Groene, and his sister, Shasta, in May 2005 after murdering their older brother, their mother and her fiancé in the Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, area. The two young children were taken deep into the Lolo National Forest, where they endured weeks of horrendous abuse at Duncan's hands. Duncan ultimately shot the boy point-blank in the head while his sister, then 8, watched. Paul Slack is another, but he’s from London. He’s convicted of murdering a 64-year-old acquaintance by forcing a walking stick down his throat has been sentenced to life in prison. I tell you these stories not to horrify you, but to desensitize you…because this kinda shit doesn’t even get me mad anymore. What gets me mad is how humane we treat them after they commit such heinous acts (yes, heinous, I think using that word makes me sound professional…so deal it with lol). Why can’t we take these blokes into a backyard and just string them up and make them human piñatas…at A-Rod’s bday party? Once they split open, toss em on the side of the road for the birds to eat them out. Then the next person will think before he commits a heartless crime.

Time For A Change!!! And change begins with our favorite friendly half Negro, Barack Obama!! Big news is he has finally decided on a VP but he is keepin mum (most people think he will make this announcement on Saturday because he has a big event going on). Wouldn’t it be crazy if he announced Bill Clinton as his runnin mate? Wow, the black population would go crazy. The white population would go crazy. It would be like a Jackson 5 reunion tour…with the return of the afros and bell pepper noses!!! I mean, since Bill is half black, combining him with Obama will provide us with our first FULL black president!!! Lol. But I have a better chance of running a train on Hilary and Chelsea with an English futbol club than Bill appearin on the ticket. I mean, Bill was vicious durin this campaign season. So vicious that black people remembered that he was white! I actually saw him standin in line reapplying for his Ghetto Pass. Lol, crazyness. Rick Ross was further behind in the line.

Speakin of the Clints, it appears that Hil is still $24 million in debt. Dammmmmmmmmmmmn. $11 mill goes to the individual vendors while she’s outta pocket more than $13 mill her own money. Son, if I owed myself $13 mill….I prolly wouldn’t give a fuck cuz I had the 13 to spend anyways!!!! But seriously, that’s a lot of money to just be losin like that. Maybe the futbol club and I SHOULD pay Mrs. Clinton a visit. See if we can come up with a way to pay her debts, lol.

Gwen Stefani
just had a baby boy today, her second. After the baby was delivered, doctors examined Gwen’s cavity and yelled in it “Is that all you got?!?” Apparently Gwen didn’t get the memo that this is the year to have twins.

Home wreckin hoe Sienna Miller enjoys the love she gets from her neighbors:

Can’t say I feel sorry for her….this is what happens when you make a reputation of sleeping with married men.

Ladies….take note:

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

But you're like a bitch with no ass...

Tired, so we keepin it short…but that hardly ever holds true, so we’ll see.

What the fuck is Walk Racing (or Race Walking, whatever)? Fuckin Olympics man, they make anythin sport. Did the Olympic committee add this sport during Bring Your Children to Work day? Did someone notice kids running in the hall and yell “Hey you guys, walk!!!” And then watched them speed walk instead and said “Hm, that would be an excellent event to add to the Olympics.” Have you seen adults competitively speed walk? It looks like they got a shitty booty. You know the walk you get when you take a shit, but later your ass starts to sweat so you get that nasty itch? Lol. The women’s asses look cute but very funny when watchin this. And why ARE they wearin bikinis while speed walkin?

Rihanna is broke. According to her former business manager who was promptly fired after she told Rihanna she only had 20K to her name. It’s a good thing she has Chris Brown as her sugar daddy. It appears 5-head isn’t as successful as she appears. Her albums aren’t really sellin, but her singles are doin well. This doesn’t translate well at Def Jam who apparently hasn’t funded an album for her to this date (it appears her manager is putting in some real work tryin to keep the S.S. Rhianna from sinkin). With only 20K, that bitch better send out a real S.O.S otherwise she gonna have to Take A Bow as her curtains come to a close lol (I’m nice with my word play, like Cam’ron).

Another black movie star bites the dust, and gets a steady paycheck by moving to the small screen. Lawrence Fishburne, you know The Matrix, will be joining the cast of CSI in order for them to maintain their black quota.

Meg Fox on the set of Transformers 2 playin with her boobs.

You’re welcome.

You’d think with Jennifer Aniston’s strong ass arms, she’d be able to hold on to a man….lmao. She’s pitiful….but I’d still hit.

RIP LeRoi Moore of the DMB; also know to you queers as the Dave Matthews Band. I’m sorry, that was an unfair shot. Dave Matthews prolly makes great music…..just nothin I’ve heard yet.

Remember when white girls miraculously developed asses back in like ’01? I think the unicorns have died out. I mean lookin at bikini shots for some celebrities…it’s kinda disgusting. And I don’t expect my white girls to have a donk…no, that’s an added bonus. I just want it tight and round, like a stripper’s (the ones that don’t have c-section scars). Examples of nasty bottoms is Kate Beckinsale (who I still think is hot), Kristen Bell (who I thought had a butt, but I guess spandex can be TRULY deceiving), Kelly Brook, and Mrs. Borat (Isla Fisher). I don’t know who has a better ass, her or her husband lol. These pics are kinda safe for work (bikinis), but are not for people with weak stomachs. Yuck.

So this was a year for havin twins...Angie, J Lo, someone else….and now Ricky Martin. Latin flamer has adopted twins from a surrogate mother because the thought of him insertin his penis in a woman made him vomit blood violently. I mean seriously, adopted from a surrogate mother? That doesn’t even make sense...either you adopt kids or you put your sperm in another egg and place it in a surrogate mother. Instead he said, “Hey pregnant bitch, I’m takin yo kids.”

Tribute to the Unicorn:

LMAO, bonus video because this was too funny. That baby is gonna a fucked up view of women in society:

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Me Love You Long Time

I’m outta town again and this time I’m fuckin pissed!!! And I’m tipsy. See, I stayed at a real hotel this time (realer than where I used to stay at), that has a restaurant and bar. I called the hotel before I left and asked if the rooms were equipped with HDTVs, and the Commi bastard told me no. So I get here open my door and this is what I see:

Yes, that’s an HDTV. I coulda been playin Madden right now instead of entertaining you ungrateful bastards, lol. You know what I like about being in a hotel that has a real lobby? You can smell the pussy in the hallways. I mean, I was getting eye-fucked from this broad while eatin dinner….but she was so ugly, I had trouble keepin my food down. Maybe I should get another drink and invite her up….

Good news: Christina Applegate is free from any breast cancer gene in her body.

Sad news: She lost both her breast in a double mastectomy.

Anyone that knows me knows that I’m a huge supporter for breast cancer awareness and donate to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure and I rock my pink ribbon even when it’s not October. And Christina’s case is exactly the reason why. Granted she has enough money for reconstructive breast surgery, but some women can't afford it (especially after all the other medical bills they have accumulated). I think it’s horrible that women lose their breast because of this. I mean, testicular cancer isn’t cool either but at least we can hide our one ball underneath our pants and the only time a girl would notice is if you ask her to play with your ball (so you brought that embarrassment upon yourself, lol). But for a woman to have one (or none in some cases) breast? Let’s say she gets away with stuffin her bra pretty well. Or she even tells you durin the date about her battle with breast cancer. But when that shirt comes off and your lookin at the one breast and the one saggy flesh with no titty meat….it can be a different story (it's already known that we are highly visual sexual creatures). Bravo Ms. Applegate.

Myanmar was recently blasted by a cyclone, which then led to floodin, which then led to the country becomin the largest area of horse manure on Earth. Sad. But whats worse is how the women are turning to prostitution to make ends meet. Sadder. But whats worser than that? They makin less than $10 a day. I need to quit this bloggin shit and go pimp in Myanmar. These girls obviously don’t know that the pussy stock is UP in their cuntry (lmao, o you gotta love that joke…come on, commmmmmme on!). With men feelin depressed or no other forms of entertainment available, sex is the number one commodity and these girls are sellin for cheap!!! Fuck that, they should make $2000 a day. Granted most of the people that are affected by this disaster are poor and couldn’t afford $100 for a blow job, the girls should set their sights on the wealthy business men and stick them for their riches.

In a nice twist of Karma, it appears that a man on the run for allegedly killin a lady, died in a fiery car crash while evading police. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, God hates you so much that not only are you gonna burn in Hell, but He gave you a preview of what it’s gonna be like. Take that!

Michael Phelps don’t listen to no Bruce Springsteen, but my nigga got that Carter III!!!!! Lmao. By the way, I’m Michael Phelps’ hero (tshirts comin soon lol).
Bling bling
Everytime I come around yo city
Bling bling
Pinky ring worth about fifty
Bling bling
Everytime I buy a new ride
Bling bling
Lorenzos on Yokahama tires
Bling bling

Further evidence that Brasilians are lovers not fighters:

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Me Likely

Ahhhhh, damn you Video Games, takin up all my blogging time….but you’re so good to me, but then you spit on me right after. You are the Bobby to my Whitney. The K-Fed to my Britney. When I wasn’t invited to that party that everyone was goin to, you stayed home with me. But then you’ve kept me in your grasp for so long that I got yelled at by my father. You’ve taught me compassion when you let me choose whether to kill the rat or let him live. But you’ve also taught me bad sportsmanship when tauntin my little cousin after a crushin defeat. Oh Video Games, how I love you so.

Poetry...Bless You style lol. I bet you got a dumb look on your face right now. "What does he mean Bless You style poetry?" HAIKU IDOIT!!! Stop makin me explain my funniness.

America is for sale and the foreigners are buyin her skanky ass for cheap!!! Damn this weak ass dollar. Can’t even buy food off the dollar menu anymore, I need 2 dollars!! The Recession doesn’t worry me. An economy goes up, and it goes down. Just like a bobblehead (no, not the doll lmao). No, but American companies being owned by non Americans does scare me. A) It fucks with our sense of pride B) It makes us look weak to the world C) As an investor; it makes me feel like giving up. This is all Bush’s fault. Lol, I like to play that card a lot. It’s always in my pocket, along with the race card; I like to play that one often. Lmao, could you imagine if they reissued the Monopoly game with the race card? It would be underneath Chance and you would keep it for the entire game. And depending who got the card, it would have different advantages. If a white person had the card, then they would always get outta jail and never pay taxes. If a black person got the card then they wouldn’t pay rent because they are on section 8 housing. Spanish people would collect $100 for house cleaning fees from every player after each turn (ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, low blow, I know lol). Um, but back to the story at hand. America, stop sellin yourself you cheap whore. Have some dignity…or at least wait till I get a job overseas and can start buyin you for cheap too!

It appears that college presidents want to lower the drinking age from 21 to 18. Hurray right? Eh, not so much. God I feel like a tool, a rusty old tool sayin this but I don’t think the drinkin age should be lowered. Yeah I know kids already drink anyways but you know what the 2 (maybe 3) biggest issues are going to be? 1) Younger kids are goin to start drinkin because 2) 18 year olds make some dumb ass decisions. Back when I was 18, I woulda did somethin like give a 10 year old a shot of Jack. Why? Because I’m 18 and don’t know any better. Most 18 year olds hang out with people younger than them, because some of them are still in high school. Now you got an 18 year old buyin alcohol for the 13 and 14 year olds. Hell, you might see some 9 year olds in the mix if they tall enough lol. It hard enough tellin a 9 year old from a 16 year old nowadays…especially if they’re Chinese gymnast (lmao, and that’s all I’ma say about the matter!!!! Let them live). 3) More accidents and more deaths. That little whipper snapper has had his license for no more than 2 years (1 in some states 4 in others (but in these other states they are already getting married at that age so why not let them drink? lol). No, don’t lower the age. Colleges need to figure out a better solution…I mean all that untaxed money that they make a year….they could fuckin pay kids to remain sober (I wouldn’t have drank for an extra 1-2Gs a month).

Not one to be fooled by the propaganda (no, it's not a country in Africa you bloke), here is another big FUCK YOU to the people tryin to make me go Green due to the Earth melting. It appears (due to this fucked up ecosystem chain reaction) that the “dead zone” in the Gulf of Mexico has doubled in the past 2 years. A dead zone is an area in the water where there is not enough oxygen to sustain life and everythin from the shrimp up start dyin. How is there not enough oxygen in the water you may ask? “Farmers in Iowa and across the Midwest use tons of nitrogen and phosphorous to make their cornfields more productive, which allows the farmers to take advantage of high corn prices resulting from growing demand from ethanol factories and developing countries. “ The runoff seeps into the Mississippi which ends up in the Gulf, which kills the algae which dies, then it decomposes which uses oxygen which kills the scrimp which kills the fish, the crabs, the humans. Good job GM and your stupid flex fuel. Hopefully Honda buys out your bitch ass and you will pay more attention to the hydrogen fuel technology THAT I FUCKIN HELPED YOU DEVELOP!! (by help, I created hardware and software that tested the energy level of GM fuel cells. True story….great co-op).

Jeez, it’s gonna be a long week, and I haven't even touched on the $10 a day prostitutes.

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Monday, August 18, 2008


At the car wash this weekend and saw this decent lookin Asian girl walk past. Nothin worth givin a second glance at, but there was this Asian dude driving by that was breakin his neck lookin at her, which made me think: what do Asian men look for in their women, body wise? You know white guys like a skinny body with big tits. Black guys like "manageable" frames and a fat ass. And by manageable I mean thick in the right places...some of you niggas like em thick everywhere...yuck. Lol. And Latin men just want a woman that can he don't care whats manageable or not lol. What do Asian men look for? Tiny feet? Big Nipples? A girl in a proper crane stance? Lmao, can someone shed some light on this so that I’m not so ignorant in the matter?

Madden ’09…wow it’s been a while. I haven’t been prolific in Madden since Vick was on the cover. But I am an awesome video game player, '95 Blockbuster Store Champion, so gettin back into the swing of things won’t take long. I think ’09 is a better game, but it’s not an awesome game. I like the fact that you can have your skill level set based on how you do in the virtual training and it adjusts by game play. I don’t like the fact that when it goes low, you destroy the computer then get ur ass kicked when it goes high, then you destroy the computer when it goes low again. I don’t feel like I becomin better, instead I’m just bein put on this roller coaster of emotions and it’s makin me nauseous. Overall, I can’t wait to play my east coast buddies online and give them a good trashin!!

I miss the Boondocks and Entourage….will the new seasons please start!!

The mighty Batman has fallen from first place and instead this weekend’s box office winners are a bunch of actors playin actors that are makin a movie in Vietnam, lol. Tropic Thunder is hilarious and please see it when you can. Tom Cruise’s role is memorable.

Model lesbians, Ellen DeGeneres and her long time partner, Portia de Rossi (what’s with the ‘De’ in their names? (Say that line 4 times fast, lol)) have recently tied the knot. I for one am completely against this marriage. Look at how hot de Rossi is; she could find a cuter partner than Ellen. Then again, when it comes to powerhouse Lesbos, Ellen is the queen, lol. And I like Ellen too. I’ve never actually watched her talk show, but every time I see clips from it, she’s always hilarious. Congrats to the both of them, may they have a long life of scissoring each other. Portia, if you come back over to the dark side…I’ll be waitin.

In some positive black news (that just feels weird typin it), Master P is creating his own cable network channel!! I KNOW, I SAID IT WAS POSITIVE DAMMIT JUST WAIT! It is goin to be called the Better Black Television channel or BBTV for those 18 year olds at a 1st grade readin level. It is poised to be an alternative to BET (seeee, I told you it was positive!). Honestly, Chinese television would be a better alternative to BET. I guess Master P has already begun filming shows and is currently tryin to find a channel to acquire or somethin technical like that. Either way, I’m excited to see blacks on tv outside of COPS, America’s Most Wanted, and BET….o and Cheaters (but the white people be just as crazy on that show).

This is why BET is so fucked up:

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Home Sweet

I’m back home…and extremely tired so this will be either a partial rant (meanin dumb short) or I finish the rest later today.

I've seen the baddest chicks at an airport, but the funny thing is they never on my flight. The worst is when they sit in the same area as you, but board a flight at the adjacent gate (i apologize for usin the word adjacent (which means next to), I know how you people don't like big words). And when they are on my flight, they never get seated next to me. That's why I fly southwest nowadays. The open seating policy works to my if I could get the cute girls to not fall asleep as soon as I sit next to them lol. Another thing I’ve started doing when flyin is puttin MD or PHD as a suffix for my name. Southwest likes to print your name on the ticket nice and big. A foreign doctor always gets girls wet.

In boo hoo news, it appears that Jennifer Aniston was dumped by John Mayer this week. When will she learn that a needy woman like her needs a needy loser. She has to stop tryin to date celebrities more successful than she is (yea, even Vince Vaughn has made better movies). She needs to start datin waiters and aspiring singers and mop boys…that way she can get her love child out of them before they realize they can do better.

Wow, another dumb bitch has made the news. It appears that a lady left her 3 year old son in her pickup truck without the windows open. Saddest part of the story? Police say that the child actually tried to save himself and open windows, start the car, unlock the door, but couldn’t. The dumb bitch said that she was going to drop him off at daycare before her shifted started, but forgot….I think her punishment should be to sit in the electric chair for just 2 seconds…but then we forget to turn it off. Next up is a man tried for murder for shakin his baby to death. I mean, he shook the shit outta the child…I mean not like a salt shaker, more like shake and bake. The baby's retinas were destroyed and he was blinded. Doctors say that even if the baby was kept alive (he was on life support) he woulda been blind and couldn’t feel anything. I’m runnin out of evil things to do to these people….just shoot him in the face, but not point blank. Graze him, and let me bleed to death.

A man is being sued by his ex wife for $25 million for giving her an STD. LMAO. Damn. Apperantly he had been havin unprotected sex with Asian hookers, which he admitted to his wife. Then about 9 years later she gets HPV and he admits to her again that he is still sleepin with hookers and has a mistress. Once a cheat, always a cheat… guess she learned the hard way.

Dad gets feed up with how his kids act, so this is what he does. Lol, damn. That’s just mean, but good parenting.

Teachers and students becomin friends on Facebook? If it’s a college setting then, ok (and I say that with reservations) but if it’s high school? That shit is gross B. Why on earth would you want to be friends with you students? That’s just askin for trouble, and it looks mad unprofessional. And why would a student want to be friends with their teacher? I liked Facebook back in the day when they didn’t have the crazy security settings, so that whatever you posted online…ALL your friends saw it. That made people more careful on whom they choose as friends. Now it’s simply a matter of adding your teachers to the “teacher” list and not givin them access to your drunken photos. Me? I don’t make friends with anyone that wasn’t born in the 80s. I don’t care how “down” or “hip” you pretend to be, if you grew up without internet you don’t need to be on Facebook. Go to MySpace for that shit.

Yap that fool!!!

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!