Ronaldo ditches Madrid for Paris

Good news Manchester United Fans!!!!!! It appears right after being traded, Ronaldo celebrated the best way he knew how, and that was by clubbin it up in LA. And guess who he was with? Parasite Hilton…I really gotta stop callin her that, she’s prolly a sweet person with a horrible disease. Anyways, reports have come in that Ronaldo and Hilton were in full make out session and he ended up back at her place for the night. All this means is that Ronaldo will become horribly sick and end up suckin next season. OHHHH WAIT, we’re talkin bout Cristiano Ronaldo. I thought we were talkin bout St. Ronaldo the Priest with his own TV reality show – “So you think you’re holier than a priest?” (on BBC, check your local listings). Then everythin is just fine. Ronaldo is no stranger to prostitutes and sex, so I’m pretty sure he’s caught everythin you could catch and still be an athlete. He’s prolly caught some shit that would kill a normal human but due to his excellent physique and conditioning, it prolly kept him in bed for a weekend. But bein seen with Hilton? That’s still gross. If I looked like Ronaldo, I’d only bang out the finest nuns in the world. Wait, which Ronaldo are we talkin bout again?