Goodbye 2008

I don’t even know why I made today’s post so long. I guess when you’re hung over tomorrow you can come back and read both days. I doubt I’ll have anythin for New Year’s tho. So read what you can today and finish the rest tomorrow. I’ll expect a report on my desk on Friday.

Never flyin again

So my flight outta Jersey went a little somethin like this. Arrive at the airport, go thru security, find out I’ve been flagged for additional screening, get pissy for 10 extra minutes, get to my gate, get on the plane, find out we’ve been delayed for an hour and a half due to a back up of planes, have a crying (like CRYING, like SOMEONE WAS KILLING THIS BABY CRYING) baby behind me with an incompetent mom and dad who can’t figure how to quiet the toddler (yes, toddler because the muthafucka was kickin my chair and screamin ‘no’. And for the hell of it, the mom was Asian and the dad was white, but he looked Europe white), with it’s idiot mom coughing like the bitch had lung cancer for a total of 6 HOURS. I was annoyed to say the least. I’ma create an airline strictly for non family flights. If you have a child under the age of 15, you can’t fly on the plane. But I was pissy from the jump because of the “additional screening” shit. Because I supposedly “bought my ticket the same day.” First off, I never purchased the ticket, the ticket was given to me because stupid Continental cancelled my flight. I think the Man and his cohorts saw the video I posted yesterday (you know about the conspiracies) and are tryin to take me out. Seriously, read the Rant everyday because when you see it missin, you know they got me.

Shoulda used a noose...

As long as there are black people doin some dumb shit, there will always be: 1) White people thinkin low of us. And B) the word “nigga”. That’s why I make it a point to make the ignorance of other races highly visible on this site so that everyone can see that stupidity knows no color. Movin along. One of the boys from the Jena 6, Mychal Bell, has shot himself in an apparent failed suicide attempt. No, he wasn’t tryin to kill himself because he spells his name with a ‘y’ (he shoulda killed his mother for that). Last week, Myke was arrested for shop lifting from a store, and due to all the media attention surroundin it, he shot himself in the chest. What media attention nigga? Ain’t nobody outside of Jena even heard about it or cared. And if you gonna kill yo self, do it properly. How you gonna shot yourself in the chest? What kinda pussy shit is that? Did you think that the failed suicide attempt would give you LESS media coverage? And why are you shop lifting to begin with? You know that the white people want to hang you to begin with, why feed them ammo? I know it’s a recession, but damn son. When you become a public figure, the press is watchin you at all times. You shoulda moved to LA and got your 15 minutes off of it and made some money. That way when you steal anythin it’s alright because you’re a celebrity. SMH at these new niggas.

New coon in the house

Not all niggas are thugs. Some niggas are politicians. Seriously, why would you take this job with all the hoopla surrounding it? The last place I would want to work is in any political office in Chicago or Illinois. You couldn’t pay me to shred the papers, or to empty out the trash in a Chicago political office. I would leave the state and make a name for myself somewhere else. Everythin Burris does will be under scrutiny. Idiot.

Cracker Jack

Not all niggas are black, some niggas are white. But we call them trailer trash, lmao. What on earth could you possibly be thinking letting your children out of your site? The brother ain’t no brighter. Why would they both leave? If I said this once, I’ll say it again and again till I have kids and eat my words: When the kids are outta site, they aren’t safe. Period.

Domestic abuse

Not all niggas are even men, some are Indian women (or Pakistani, or somethin…someone help me out here). Why women always go for the balls, I mean damn. Set the entire nigga on fire, not just his nuts and hope it spreads. But what really makes her a nigga is the fact she did it with her kids still in the house. And the fire jumped over the adjacent building.
Update: The man died. Damn.

It's time for the old money to die...

Well well well, look who was right all along. Please don’t leave a comment sayin “I told you so”, you’ve already won (kinda) lol. Now that I know the real (well, it sounded good) reason why the income tax was created, I’ve finally figured out how to handle our debt situation. Destroy the Federal Reserve. If I could, I’d stop payin Income Tax since it’s not a law. I know what you’re thinkin, “then end up like Wesley Snipes.” That’s what I said to my brother and he laughed at me then told me to find what jail Wesley was in. That nigga ain’t in jail. My brother told me you can’t put anyone in jail because it’s not a law. I was determined to prove him wrong but the best I came up with was Wesley was released from jail (after a couple days) to go wrap up a film he was shooting in LONDON!!! It get’s better, he is currently shootin a new film in Asia or somethin. What the fuck man. They made all this big parade about bringin him to justice and he ain’t even in jail. It’s time to get a new form of government because this corrupt, economic slavery, freedom taking shit is startin to agitate me. In the meantime, Obama plans on embedding the stimulus package in our current checks by givin us tax breaks. So for singles the taxes will be reduced till you’ve accumulated $500 extra in your checks and for couples, $1000. Now if done that way, it could end up bein wack because then it just adds like $20 to your paycheck and that won’t really help people make any big purchases or pay off debt (which is impossible anyways with the system we have in places..sigh). But they are thinkin of alternatives. Oh and another thing I found out is why the government won’t buy up bad loans. Because people that were properly paying their loans will find it unfair for the government to bailout people who were living outside their means and may decide to stop payin their loans and wait for the government bail them out too. Ok fine, but the pay off student loans is still up for discussion.

Get your freak on

Remember the smug look of those uppity people that pledged abstinence till they were married? And how they acted all pure of thought and such? Well a recent study shows that most people who take the virgin till marriage pledge break the vows before they get married. As many as 86%. What they did find out is that the teens did wait longer to have sex (till they were 21, while non pledges did it around 17). And here’s the real kicker. Most people that broke the pledge weren’t too big on using birth control. Nasty muthafuckas right there. First you gonna act like you too good for sex, then you gonna ride dirty when you do have sex? SMH. Always be the late bloomers…

Robotic outfits

Not a big Katie Holmes fan. She is married to crazy boy Tom and she isn’t hot…at all. Like if Jennifer Aniston has the ‘Girl Next Door’ look, then Katie has the ‘Girl Next Door That You Didn’t Think Was Hot When She Was Younger And Didn’t Think She Would Blossom To Much And You Were Right’ look. Granted, I’m feelin her outfit. It’s probably my nylon fetish gettin to me, but I think this looks good on her. Obviously would look better one other people, so one of my Latin mistresses should adopt it asap.

Von Dummy

Mrs. Ed Hardy (Ira Audigier) at the beach. Now, she isn’t a real looker (she’s regular, but a better regular than Katie Holmes and has a nicer butt), but why is the broad rockin a Gucci bikini? How is Christian supposed to promote his bikini line if he doesn’t make his wife wear it? That would be like Henry Ford Jr. drivin around in a Tacoma. Pure fuckery.

But we're stuck were we are....

Brandy has a video for her new single “Long Distance” out and it’s such a catchy tune. I can’t stop singing it. I wonder if this is her first tune off her new album “Jail House Blues”. When is she gonna go to jail for manslaughter? Oh, you ain’t know? Brandy killed someone in a car accident because she failed to slow down her Range Rover (might be the same one in the pics) that was travelin 60mph into a car accident. Why? Because she was on the phone and not payin attention to the stopped cars ahead of her. A killer is a killer, even if she has nice tits and a great voice. The ladies will love her up in Sing Sing (hahahahahahaha, I randomly choose that prison but how fitting).

My angel

Adriana Lima because I don’t need a reason…number 3 is my favorite pic

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

I need cyborg wings

So remember my luck with flights? I think it’s startin to die out and that private jet will be acquired sooner than later. When you were reading the Rant yesterday you prolly thought that I was on my way back to sunny LA. Nope. Instead my flight to Cleveland was cancelled due to some hydraulic pump leaking. Currently on my “Never Fly With Again” list is AirTran and Atlanta’s airport. Add Continental. When I bought the tickets months ago, I didn’t think that Continental would have shitty planes that couldn’t get off or land on the ground. Never again. So instead I flew to Newark last night and this morning will be headin off the LA (hopefully). The alternative was not to fly out till the 31st and that woulda rained on my New Year’s parade.

The end of an age

Just watched Zeitgeist on YouTube. Oh my God (if He even exists lol). Never been a big fan of the Bible due to sole reason that Jesus never had a book in the New Testament (well, it was the number 1 reason of many). How could a person who has done such incredible things, not have a journal or a diary that has been found? Wellllll considering that the story of Jesus has been told MULTIPLE times in different religions, I understand why it doesn’t exist. But the movie breaks down religion, the 9-11 attacks, and the truth about money. Now the religion part was hard to swallow, but it was very thought provoking. The 9-11 attacks and the truth about money, I whole heartedly believe. Considerin the history of America and the evil that lies in the heart of men, I know that there are a few people who really hold the power in this country (fuck the government, they’re all just puppets too) and they are BENT on world domination. I guess it’s time to start freedom fightin. I was hoping to start after I accumulated enough wealth (or until I saw the new Terminator movie), but when it’s time – it’s time. Man I wish I could live till the end of time just to see how everything pans out. Where are my cyborg implants????

Where is Captain Planet???

In some movie type shit, the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA) dumped billions of sludge in the water. I mean wow. Like I said before, I really need to live for at least another 300 years. I wanna know if the kids that live and are born in this area come out with 3 eyes or 22” biceps at the age of 2. The CEO pledges to clean up the spill and have everythin fine and dandy but will it ever be ok? I mean the sludge is in a river, not pipes. So that means it will seep into the soil, which will seep into the plants, which may or may not seep into the vegetation. Sure everyone is gonna be fine for 2,3, maybe 4 generations. But what about when the 6th,7th, and 8th come about? How will they adapt to it? Scary shit man. Maybe white girls will have asses again. Remember when that was poppin back in like 04, 05? I wonder what spill caused that, lol.

A global economy

When we suffer, the world suffers. Now everythin I read is affected by that damn Zeitgeist movie lmao. Damn corrupt white people…I mean it might not be all white but I’m pretty sure it is lol. If they let me into they circle, I won’t even be mad. Seriously tho, this world domination shit is kinda scary when you look at the events that are unfolding. To think that a recession is SYSTEMATICALLY built into our economy to further unite the world is mind bottling. The Rant is gonna become the revolution. They always did say it wouldn’t be televised…maybe this is what they meant.

Till Recession do us part

That’s crazy, too broke to be happy in a marriage and too broke to get divorced. I’d like to break off Kiran Chetry tho, owww.

Serious actors needed

Scarlett Johansson has once again stated that she wants to be taken as a serious actress. Once again, I implore her to take acting classes. I’ve only seen about two of her movies and they haven’t been that great. Maybe she should suck it up and be happy to have a job in this recession.

Nothing says slutty like a cold sore

Paris Hilton because the Valtrex jokes aren’t really jokes…

Mirror Mirror on the wall

Next up are shots of Naomi Campbell and her billionaire boyfriend at the beach. Like I said last week, European men be gettin the baddest black chicks, but this is one guy I don’t envy. Goes to show you that life isn’t a Disney fairy tale and even the wicked witch finds love from a (wealthy) prince charming too. Or maybe I got it all wrong and this is the scene out of an interracial gangbang (it’s not like she’s a highly requested model anymore).

Pressures of beauty

Ashley Tisdale had her nose fixed for “health” reasons (I think, it could be some other tween star, but that’s besides the point) but yet her nose looks as garbage as ever. Now I kinda feel like I’m nitpickin or becomin one of those types who has to find a flaw with decent lookin girls. Well, yes. We criticize wide receivers that have bad hands, pitchers that throw home runs, large basketball centers that have missed their 5000th free throw. We criticize all professionals so why wouldn’t I criticize someone who’s in an industry based on looks? Sure Tisdale is cute, but she isn’t Hollywood cute with that nose and that ends this discussion. If she’s gonna be thrown in my face then fix hers first.

Ugly Betty

If she wasn’t rich or beautiful (emphasis on the rich), I’d be single because the one thing I can’t tolerate is a smoker. Especially when done around children. But the baby ain’t mine so I don’t care. But I already told her, she smokes around our future baby or while carryin our future baby, that it’s over and I’m takin HALF. Smokin is not cute. I’d rather take a chick with an ugly nose over a beautiful one that smokes. Ashley shouldn’t consider callin me yet tho, I said I’d RATHER, not that I would.

Conspiracy Theory: Brazilian women will run the world

Paloma Fiuza is 25 (her bday was on the 28th) and is Brazilian. If Brazilian women invaded America, I can promise you that American women would become extinct. There would be only American-Brazilian hybrids runnin around. Did I mention that I’m headin there in March? The only concern I have for the trip is how to upload the pictures to you guys on a daily basis…actually, that’s not a big concern.

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Jet set

Why do the ugly ones wanna be the freakiest? Cute ones wanna be all shy…Another rant for another time. Right now I’m on my way back to LA after a hectic 6 days. Too many people to see, not enough time. Once wind of my arrival travels, it became a hurricane and if I don’t see certain people I won’t hear the end of it :( Hopefully my flight outta here will be better than the one into but we’ll see. Um, somethin big is comin up near the end of this week…

Stupid Ads

SUUU WOOP birth control, for those days your bitch convinces you to ‘ride dirty’.

I'd smash Cheetara

Check out this fan made trailer for a live-action Thundercats movie. Pretty damn good if you ask me.

Good Samaritan

I can’t even be mad at this one. Why some dude shoot another person because they were talkin during a movie? Lmao. Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to shoot people that were talkin? That’s why I don’t even go to the movies like that anymore and watch them at home. Why pay all that money for a half assed experience when I can get so much more watchin it at home? Anyways, the guy (James Cialella) told the family in front of him to quiet down and instead of the family being quiet the big mouth got in an argument with James. James threw his popcorn at the child in the group and when they continued to talk, he then walked over and shot loud mouth in the arm. Whomp whomp. He’s bein charged with attempted murder, aggravated assault, and weapons violation. Wack. What about charging him for bein a good Samaritan? He was doin a public service if you ask me. Next time shut the fuck up when at the movies.

Bad Samaritan

White people still don’t get it…I wouldn’t open my home up to an abandoned pit bull. Fuck around one day and accidently say the “attack word” and throw it into a frenzy. “Hey can someone find…arrgghhhhh, get the dog off of me, arggghhhh (blood fills my throat due to my jugular bein ripped)” I wouldn’t open my home to strangers and I most certainly wouldn’t do it on Craig’s list where all the crazies live.

Cracker the magical noose

White Republicans still don’t get it…you can’t be a racist and make racist jokes and think everyone will take it as a joke. When I make racist jokes, they funny because I’m racist by occupation. They racist by nature. “Barack the Magic Negro” is funny if I recorded the song, or Chris Rock recorded the song or if the late George Carlin (RIP) recorded the song. Why? Because we are funny racists. It takes a lot to be funny and even more to be a funny racist. A funny racist Republican can not exist. It can’t. It defies the laws of physics. In physics gravity pulls things towards the ground. That’s why if you place a brick on wet tissue, it falls through. A funny racist Republican can not exist because the world would implode.

A woman tryin to be logical...

Read this silly article on why men should say “I Love You” first. The lady (of course) thought it would be better for men to say it first because “Unlike asking a man out, making a move on him, or even proposing, there's no action-based response to the first "I love you." It's all words, it's all emotion.” Poor poor poor argument. Then she goes on to say that women should start askin men out and proposing. Which that bit right there is MIND BOTTLING because from the ants to the whales, 97% of courtship starts on the male side. Males make the initial move all the time, so why would she think we can be rewired differently? My reasoning is a bit over simplified but the reasons a woman should say it first is because it's more meaningful coming from them. Think about it. How many times has a sleaze ball guy said "I Love You" to a girl just to get what he wanted? Or even genuine guys say it just to break your heart a couple months down the road (he thought he loved you but things changed from when he said it). Girls have been hearing guys say "I Love You" since high school (the pretty ones at least, guys know the ugly ones are down all the time) and they could have all types of emotional attachments to that sentence (good or bad). There is also the fact that "I Love You" is an emotional sentence. Men are more in tune with the logical than emotional (remember the genuine guy?). A guy saying it doesn't always mean it, but rather it makes sense to say it. "Well we been together for x months/years and she does x,y,z for me. And I do x,y,z for her. I guess I love her." Of course this isn’t all men in all situations, but it’s almost like the laws of physics, they hold true MOST of the time.

Crackheads Gon' Wild: Winehouse edition

Amy Winehouse’s ex assistant/love toy has sold his story to the News Of The World (I think it’s a British tabloid). He has revealed such (non) shockin things such as she smoked crack for breakfast and would use broken bottles as crack pipes. She was a bulimic that lived off of McDonalds and Crunchie bars and used his toothbrush to induce vomiting. See? Nothin shocking. He did mention that she was a sex addict and that he would ‘make love’ (who needs a toothbrush with that image?) to her 4 to 5 times a day. Now that’s an issue. I guess it ties in with my intro; the ugliest broads be the freakiest ones. Disgusting. And unlike the ex assistant, I know when to say no. Ahem, I mean since I’m wifed up already I wouldn’t know anythin about that. But if I were in the assistant’s shoes, I woulda told that crack head to hold up. Unless she was tryin to suck my dick for some crack, then I woulda let her lol.

When Life has you in a choke hold...

Former WWE wrestler and current 10 time loser, Chyna, was taken to the hospital on her birthday for almost drinkin herself to death. It looks like the estrogen shots she was takin to get back her feminine figure didn’t mix well with the alcohol. Her friends found her in the bathroom in a figure four leg lock with a keg of Heineken hoping to make it ‘tap’ out. I’m lyin. She was really in the bathroom applying makeup and she just happen to cut herself…multiple times…on her arms. Sad story, but it is what it is. Fame and fortune isn’t what it’s cracked up to be if you don’t have a good foundation like religion. That’s why I’m not passed out on the plane from all the snow this weekend. That and the fact that the snow was all weather related.

Nice Cox suckin lips

Comedian Jay Mohr is married to Nikki Cox…yea, the one that looks like Janice from the muppets. And for some odd reason, he decided to take her last name. Maybe he’s the one writing stupid articles on why men should say ‘I love you’ first. Now done properly, that woulda made his legal name Jay Mohr Cox…but eventually the comedian realized he would be the butt of every joke in town and decided to get his name changed to Jay Cox Mohr. I mean, how fuckin stupid is that? If you were gonna take her name at least do it properly. And why take her name to begin with? You love her so much, buy some fake lips from the gag store and put them in a glass case.

I'ma Ghetto Rat Thousandaire

Freida Pinto because I wanna be her Slumdog (which is a good movie, I wouldn’t say great but then again I hate watchin Oscar nominated movies because I think they are overhyped (No Country For Old Men anyone?)).

I'd be good for her porn career

Kate Walsh because rumor has it that her and her recently divorced husband are both gay but got married for professional reasons. Hmmmm, that’s a twist that could resurrect Grey’s Anatomy. And I don’t normally post so many pics of one person, but for bein 40+ she’s not that bad.

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

364 days...kiddin, no more countdowns

Time to start my Christmas shopping. Damn stupid travelin messed me all up, so I didn’t get a chance to get people’s “gifts”. Side note, Lil’ Wayne has a lip piercing now? He still dressin like Benji? I hope the ’09 brings somethin different because I’m tired of seein the same.

 

I found it interesting how the girl was lookin at his sword. I'm tryin to "grow" my power too!

Ho ho NO!

Wow. I don’t even know how to compile this in my head. The algorithm doesn’t compute. I just see an ‘E’. A reason why I plan on buyin a gun is because I understand there are people crazier than me and I need to be protected.

Real life Monopoly

What is the world comin to when you can’t bail your friends outta jail? I mean granted they fucked over minorities, his pops been givin money to the GOP. And it sounds like pops donated enough to get a get outta jail card. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not for freeing any criminal. You in jail for a reason, why should the President pardon you? But since it’s a system we have in place, it’s meant to be beaten. And the winners are usually those with the most power and influence. That’s captalism, I mean, life.

Middle finger you

Another group of people that need to get with the times are people STILL throwin they middle finger up in they pics. First it was just the hood niggas doin it, and they had a reason to say “fuck the world.” Nothin is (was) goin right in their lives, so they ain’t really gotta smile in pics. Then it became mainstream with girls doin it, punk kids in college doin it, some grown folks doin it. It’s like first, you don’t even look tough doin it. You look like a lame. You ain’t got any reason to be mad enough to give a middle finger to the world. Now thugs ain’t really doin it (remember, some people are slower than others), but these preppy kids are. So annoyin. Figure out something new for the ’09.

Recession for rappers

With all the “money” that Santana and Jim Jones (aka Gangstalicious) have, why are they still makin shitty music videos? Santana’s Jingle bell rendition is terrible. The video was worst. What the hell was with the fake background? Did they film it in Miami or something? And his lyrics were garbage. Jeez. At least Jim Jones’ holiday song was better written (Jim is actually becomin a nice rapper). But the video was a joke. People without money make better lookin videos. Jim, kiss and make up with Cam so that I can like you again. Seriously, you’ll NEVER sell with the way everyone feels about you. Get the Dip Set back together and ya’ll will be ballin for a good long while. Because regardless of how nice you get, you’ll never sell cuz you sold out (ironic isn’t it?). And bring Max B back.

All hail Kanye

Further proof that Kanye can sing anythin and his Kool-Aid drinkers will eat it up:
So what someone threw a penny at you, you gonna dedicate 4 bars for that? And the people are just lovin it like it’s one of his hottest verses ever. SMH at the fans (kool-aid ones, not the level headed ones like me).

All 9 used up...

RIP Eartha Kitt. For those who think Halle Berry was the first black Catwoman, go back to school. And Kitt was a great Catwoman with that signature ‘purrr’. I need girls to purr at me like that.

Someone bought Cam's pink Bentley

Can you really get mad a P Hilton for doin this?

The pink on pink on pink on pink (if you don’t get what the extra pink is for…think of Paris Hilton last year when exiting cars) is a nice look.

Nylon fetish

Not really a big fan of Marisa Miller. Sure she has big tits, but her chiseled face is a bit too much for me. What I do like about this photo shoot is the stockings. Girls need to start understandin the underlyin power of proper stockings with an outfit, especially with winter upon us. Girls, take note.