Salma Hayek hasn't moved on

Here are pics of the ex wife. She doesn’t even look as good as she used to…Damn she still looks good. But I’ve moved on too. I got me a doll. Looks just like her.

A billioniare's ass

The ex had an official wedding ceremony with Frenchie…blah, blah, blah. Here is her showin off her ass in sweatpants. End of story.

Salma Hayek hotness

Salma is still Top 5 hottest MILF Alive in my book. Here she is and she doesn’t disappoint.

Salma and Frenchie tie the knot

Looks like I have to wave the white flag and bow down. The French have finally won somethin (worth winning I guess). My former wife to be, Salma Hayek, has married the billionaire bastard Francois-Henri Pinault. I mean even his name is wack. We know you speak French, you’re FRENCH! That’s like me changing my name to English-The Tenant, absolutely absurd and stupid. And they got married on the 14th…for a French guy, he’s not that creative. Salma has ruined her life. “Ugly Betty” is gettin cancelled, Alec Baldwin is smoochin up to her, and her best reaction is to marry a billionaire. For the record, the reports are comin from a French publication that Frenchie owns…so maybe I should wait till she gets back to the States before I toss her clothes out on the lawn. In the meantime, I’ll be findin a replacement. Bitch.

Salma Hayek works with UNICEF

This is why my wifey is number 1 in my book. Wait wait wait, this is why my 11 is better than your 11 hahahahahaha. If she would just quit smokin, I’d propose.
See how natural she looks breastfeeding that black baby? Gangsta. I know some of ya’ll is thinkin “how can this post miss the point, which is children dying of tetanus?” Listen, I get it. I already know. But watchin a celebrity breastfeed a random African baby is a bit more news worthy than people in Africa dying due to a lack of concern from the rest of the world (vicious cycle).

It's gettin real Ugly for Betty

“Ugly Betty” is getting benched by ABC till June-ish. I don’t care for the show that much…maybe I shouldn’t say that. I love the show and think it’s quality programming and pray that the execs at ABC get their heads out their asses. I’m really tellin you this because I expect the wife to be home more since her show is dunzo and I’ll be doin less bloggin. Now if I can get Alec Baldwin to stop callin the house.

More Hayek goodness this week

Here are more pics of the wife lookin absolutely gorgeous. I mean, that dress is on point. You prolly are thinkin what’s good with all these pics this week. Well, don’t worry we didn’t have a fight or anythin, it’s just that this is award season. Expect a lot more dressed up celebs the next couple months.

The wife on Letterman

I like how Lettermen gets on Frenchie…when I asked who is this other nigga, she replied “what have you done for me lately?” Then I would quiet down and say “Ok. You don’t have to tell me who you hangin with.” 9 months later, Valentina.
The second part broke my heart so I didn’t post it. She’s no longer into Stallions just likes to ride Pepe…bitch.

Salma Hayek needs to move me in.

Ahhhh, what more can I say that can’t be seen in these pictures. I’m gonna demand that we start livin together; I’ll just deal with the smokin (of the cigarettes, not her body or looks…that I’ve already dealt with lol). And I don’t whose hand is reachin for her, but if I was there I woulda broke it in 100 places. Easy.

Ugly Betty

If she wasn’t rich or beautiful (emphasis on the rich), I’d be single because the one thing I can’t tolerate is a smoker. Especially when done around children. But the baby ain’t mine so I don’t care. But I already told her, she smokes around our future baby or while carryin our future baby, that it’s over and I’m takin HALF. Smokin is not cute. I’d rather take a chick with an ugly nose over a beautiful one that smokes. Ashley shouldn’t consider callin me yet tho, I said I’d RATHER, not that I would.

Kids can be tiring...especially if their father is a French billionaire

The wife because even if this isn’t her best look, she still looks better than you.

The real heroes

CNN had its Heroes ceremony were they awarded people based on the acts they did or some yada…I wasn’t listenin when the wife was talkin. But I do have pics of her and the bad ass dress she was wearin. If you ask me, her breasts should have won the award for Hero of the Year.

Eliza Dushku was also there and from what I can tell in the pictures, she was also somebody’s hero that night.

You talk about her again, and your mama's next

And while I usually leave the celebrities rants for the ending posts, I had to say somethin in wifey’s defense. She works in an industry which is DEFINED by beauty. Even if she did go under the knife (and I don’t believe she has, at least that’s what she tells me but I’ve never seen a Mexican age like her EVER lol) I wouldn’t chalk it up to self esteem issues, but selling her soul for the buck. That’s Hollywood. That’s like expecting a professional football player to bulk up without using steroids!

Got milk?

I was completely aroused by this video. I really wanted to hear the husband’s reaction because I know I would be a bit annoyed with someone else suckin on breasts intended for my mouth!! How did this topic of discussion even come up? The wifey just told Style Magazine that she’s addicted to breast feeding. Ironic isn’t it? What’s even crazier is that the report came from Fox News…since when do Republicans care about Latinos? Lol.

My 11

And speakin of the wife. I don’t know what this Greek Goddess shit is all about, but I’m mad she never plays dress up with me. She didn’t even dress up for Halloween! Had an interesting convo with my friend a couple weeks ago. How money makes woman more attractive. Like I thought Beyonce wasn’t a solid 10 because she has her off days. But he countered that her money makes her an 11. So while these may not be the most flattering pics of the Mrs.; her bank account makes her an 11. And don't start picturin her as Wonder Woman because I already told her no, she's too short.

Rack em up

The best way to get back on the market after breakin up is always to come out lookin more ravishing than you did before; good job Holly.



















Lisa Ann (porn star) is going to play Sarah Palin in Who’s Nailin Palin. Why didn’t we think of that? Damn it, that woulda been our entry right into the porn biz. Oh, for you readers that don’t know, my friends and I are tryin to start an adult film company. Will I star in any of the filmst? Most likely not. Will I nail all the girls that do? Most likely.




















The wifey is lookin good on the set of 30 Rock. O snap, I just thought of a porn movie name: 30 Cock!!! Obviously it’s goin to be a gangbang based on the life of a TV show producer who fantasizes about her male actors. Am I good or what? Still the Michael Phelps of this blog shit and now porn shit. Back to my wife. Please don’t let the cameras fool you. She is only about 5’2”. 5’2” with breasts bigger than her head. It is a lovely combination.



















O snap!!! I just thought of our reality porn site name! Short Chicks, Big Tits!!!!! YA’LL CAN’T FUCK WITH ME, I’M SO GENIUS! So guys, the lesson for today is, marry a woman that inspires you lol.

Hot mamicita

Speakin of cold hearted bitches. Salma Hayek was seen out and about with Frenchie. It appears they have been extra close these last couple of weeks and I’m not liking it. Yea, it’s great that she stays on good terms with her baby daddy, but I mean damn woman…you sneakin around? Is that who you were with when you said you need to spend the night on the set of Ugly Betty everyday for an entire week? You’re breakin my heart woman. Where the hell is my second and third string…I can’t deal with this nonsense. Ladies and gents, I present: Ninel Conde. Besides my future wife, I don’t know any Mexican as hot as her. Actually, I do, but since it's all about breast this month...

Celebrities

Looks like Miley Cyrus wants to quit Disney….I feel like a homemade porn tape is gonna get “stolen” from her house pretty soon.















Some people take bad pics….others are Tiffani Thiessen (Kelly from Saved By The Bell)



















Woof!

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Wait, stop the tape. I never thought seein my bride to be (Hayek) and the woman that satisfied my needs (Vergara), while wifey was getting banged by frenchie, together would be a good idea…until now:

Mi amor.

My Lights Are Still On

Which means, the responses have been positive so far. So let's try this again!

First off, I can’t believe that she actually remained faithful to me. I thought this plan was gonna crumble, but she stayed true. Salma Hayek is still on the market. As some of you may or may not know, she dumped me for this French Billionaire but she told me it was strictly for financial reasons and she would come back to me. Now she has his love child (what we call “Child Support” in the states) and she has called off the engagement to the wealthy white man. Sorry Frenchie, your game just wasn’t tight enough.

On Larry King last night, they had more white people discussing the use of the word “Nigga”. I’ll say this once and I’ll prolly keep sayin it because people just don’t get it. Nigga – can be used around blacks, and in some circles, other ethnicities as a term to refer to someone else. Nigger – a word used by racist slave owners, bigots, republicans (just kiddin) to describe black people. See the problem lies where and when you use the word. If you use word nigga or nigger ONLY when referring to blacks, then you’re racist. But if everyone can be a nigga, then you’re in the clear. I think the real reason we don’t want white people using the word is because everything of ours they take, they make uncool. And if we start lettin them use the word freely, it’s just gonna make it uncool to say. I don’t have time to go through history to show how the white man has taken parts of black and African culture and made it uncool, but you know I ain’t lyin.

Not a Joe Budden fan, but that song “Who Killed Hip-Hop” (or just "Who" on some mixtapes) is tight. He basically does a rundown of people and events that might have killed hip hop and it was nicely done. However, he failed to mention his throat problems as a cause lol.

The Palace curse is among us again. This time WNBA teams LA Sparks vs. Detroit Shocks go at it. I don’t really know any of the players but when I hear about a girl fight I only think about exposed breast. Sadly, this was not the case as you can see in the video.

You know what bothers me? When people say something is great, but it is overhyped. Huh? Something can be good but overhyped. Or so-so but overhyped. But if something is considered great, how can you say it is overhyped? That was a great movie, but it was overhyped. That was some great acting, but it was overhyped. People are startin to lose credibility with this fuckery. The Rant Is Due muthafucka!




Hey don't sue me:That picture of my bride to be was provided by REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni/Files