I'm buyin a tour bus

Yesterday was one of my scarier flights. The turbulence heading into LA was ridiculous. It felt like a little child picked up the plane and was shakin it up and down. To make matters worse, I wasn’t even sittin in my preferred seat. When I book flights I always get a window seat on the wing no more than 3 rows away from an exit. This is so that I can insure my survival just in case the plane decides to go down or split in half and I get sucked out with my seat. I’ve seen enough action movies to turn my jacket and seat cushion into a proper landing device lol. But seriously, I get the seats because I feel safer. Well when boardin my connectin flight from Chicago to LA, I handed my ticket to the lady at the gate and then the machine rejects my ticket. The lady tells me I have to go to the desk for a new ticket. Find out I’ve been reassigned because some obese bastard is takin up an entire row. Now I’ve been reassigned to the last seat in the back of the plane. And it's a damn aisle seat. I wouldn’t even want a window seat back there because all you would see is the FUCKING JET’S ENGINE! And I’m bein seated next to a bearded man named Mohammed who was actin real fidgety and agitated at the gate before the flight (found out he missed his flight and was upset with the lack of support from American Airlines, but it didn’t help that TSA did a “random” luggage check too…seriously, I could make this stuff up but I’m not.) Anyways I’m alive but I can’t say the same for the 17 people killed in a plane crash yesterday in Montana. It appears that a single engine plane went down and crashed in a cemetery (of all places). There was another plane crash in Japan. A FedEx plane landed but was caught by the wind so it bounced around, tipped over, and burst into flames. Like I’ve said before, I don’t know what I’ve done in my past life to be so lucky, but I don’t take a damn thing for granted.