Don't worry about 2012...

Man o man, will The Rant survive into 2010??? I mean last week was like the first week I didn’t post ANYTHING really. It didn’t even cross my mind until Friday that I hadn’t done shit. But I’m getting bored with reporting the “news”. It’s all the same. Death, death, corruption, and some tits at the end. How can anyone be pissed off anymore? Nothin surprises me. I don’t know how news anchors do it day in and day out…well, correction. If I was gettin PAID for this shit then yes, I would continue to deliver. But to do this shit for free? Boring. Oh well, enjoy it while you can. And feel free to visit Splaboos.com too, I think that site has some potential (at least for a year before it gets boring too lol).

Weed saves autistic boy's life

Um, ok. Sounds plausible. Weed does give you the munchies and if he wasn’t eatin then I could see that being a good side effect. But he’s makin noises now? I don’t know what kinda weed does that. Did she lace the brownies with PCP because it sounds like the boy is trippin out. Am I for the legalization of weed? I don’t participate in the passin of the Ganga or whatever the kids call it nowadays. And I don’t believe the hype that it’s a gateway drug. To me drugs are like tattoos. People have their personal reasons for gettin involved but they are solely responsible for how far they take it. Like a person with 100 tattoos WANTED 100 tattoos. They didn’t get one tattoo and say “hmm, I want more tattoos now.” No, they wanted 100 tattoos before they got the first one. They envisioned it before it happened. So anyone that wants to try coke will try coke. They may take baby steps by smoking weed first or doin mushrooms but eventually they will get to coke. Nobody smokes weed and says “hmm, now I want to snort something.” The only reason the government won’t legalize it is because weed is impossible to track. And by track I mean tax. Sure they’ll get some money from taxing people with huge weed farms, but what about the local growers? And you know what skin color those local growers will be? Black and brown. The white man doesn’t like the thought of that at all. The only time a black person can be wealthy in America is when they are being paid by the white man. That’s what makes Oprah so dangerous. The fact she is owns her own TV channels now and is no longer gonna be ABC’s (or whatever station she’s affiliated with) cash cow is makin some people jittery. Praise to Oprah for escaping slavery. But back to weed. It won’t be legalized because you’ll have too many rich black people. What the government fails to recognize is if there is one group that can cure the recession, its black people. They love living outside of their means. And if you legalized weed and had just 100 rich drug dealers…the United States of America would own China. Not only would we pay off our debts but we would buy so many bootleg products from them, we would be their biggest consumer. Amazing how I went from an autistic child to GDP.

The Tiger has been running wild

So there are rumors circulating Tiger Woods and the reason for his car crash this past weekend. A lot of tabloids are sayin that Tiger might be havin his nine iron stroked by another caddie. Her name is Rachel Uchitel and the National Enquirer broke the news (read it here). Now I know…the National Enquirer isn’t one to be trusted. I mean, I read the article a while ago but in light of the car crash and this interview…somethin is fishy:

There was no alcohol involved? So what then? Did he get his ass beat by his wife? Is Tiger afraid of losing sponsorships? My brother made a point that I want to share: what the fuck has Tiger done that makes him above the law and above an investigation? He can decline to speak to cops now? Public property was damaged so he HAS to speak to cops. If this had been any Negro (a pure Negro, not a hybrid) please believe they woulda spent a night in jail. But this mutt with his Swedish white woman for a wife gets a “Get Outta Jail Free” card. Bullshit. I’m leaning more to he’s just embarrassed by the whole situation. I mean his wife had a golf club…how you get your ass beat with your own tool? He’s so used to whacking balls with it that it musta felt shameful to be on the other end of the stroke hahahahaha. I think she beat his ass in the house, he tried to flee, crashed into a couple things and she chased him down to continue the assault. Realized where she was not in a trailer park and decided not to fuck him up anymore. I heard one of the 911 calls and it wasn’t from Mrs. Woods…sooooo did she even call?

Rachel is the brunette

Alessandra Ambrosio complicates lives

What the fuck would you do if your mom was like one of the hottest women in the world? I guess you really wouldn’t think like that, but that wouldn’t stop your friends. You go over to your boy’s house and he has your mom pinned up on his wall (figuratively speaking lol). I think I would lose a lot of friendships…I think Alessandra had a girl so maybe her daughter’s life should be easier (as long as she gets her looks from her mom…if she looks like her dad, she’s fucked).

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

I'm not dead

I know ya'll have been worried sick about me...but I've been tryin to help the idiots at Splaboos.com get their site up and going...I think it might have been a waste of time since they're lazier than I lol. Be back next week!

It's here!!

So there are a couple of fucktards over at Splaboos.com. I shall be there every once in a while adding to the fuckery. I suggest you follow me and let your voices be heard as well.

Chris Brown - Crawl

Chris Beezy is still my neezy regardless of what the world says about him. I just heard reports that Rihanna used to hit him…now if that ain’t some double standard bullshit I don’t know what is. Chris Brown only about 5 pounds heavier than Rihanna…and do you see all the spiked jewelry she be wearin? I’m pretty sure she’s fucked that boy up too…but yes, he did take it way too far. And dumpin her on the side of the road wasn’t smart either. But he’s apologized, and is takin the steps needed to get better. So I’ll fuck with Chris until he strikes again…get it? “Strikes” again? Hahahahaha. New video with Cassie:

Um, no bitch looks good with half her head shaven. None. So all you other girls emulating this wack ass look: STOP IT!!!

Domestic violence works both ways

Speakin of…Trinidad and Barbados are right next to each other and I’m startin think the only reason why Chris didn’t stop the car to fight Rihanna was because he would lose the advantage:

He really gets his ass beat for almost 8 minutes!!! Damn.

Lima has a baby angel

A piece of Heaven has died once again. Adriana Lima has given birth to a healthy baby girl with her ‘dots for eyes’ husband, Marko Jaric. I pray for that girl’s sake that she looks like her mother…nothing good can come out from havin her father’s genes…unless she plans on being an animated character when she grows up.

Rihanna needs to apologize

See ladies? Even Rihanna has those disgusting cottage cheese thighs. Get this woman a Stair Master pronto!!! What’s goin on with the side of her head? Her whole style as of late has been more ‘miss’ on the ‘Hit-or-Miss-O’Meter’. She has a new album comin out and she doesn’t even put in the effort to be jerkable? I’m pretty sure Chris Brown will smash her again…but this time with record sales.

Chris Brown isn't everyone's favorite

Speakin of smashin…looks like this girl wants to smash Chris’ face in:

The best part is the end when the random dude gets in her face and screams “Slap that bitch up!!!” What happens after that??? I wanna knoooooow! Lol.

Blake Lively hotness

Blake Lively might be the best dressed starlet right now. I don’t know how she does it, but she stay fly. Her tits are always lookin on point regardless of what she puts on. That’s my kinda gal. Too bad in these pics she looks more like a supernova ready to burnout rather than a fresh young star. Why the hell she look so old? Maybe she should smile more…or maybe she should come see me for that facial cream. Owwwwww.

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

FUF!!!!

Today is gonna be ‘Fucked up Friday!!!’ because my day was terrible yesterday…but not as bad as the people in the posts. And it’s Friday the 13th, so I’m pretty sure today is gonna be shitty for others as well.

Charla Nash can't see how bad her day is...

The first person having a Fucked Up Friday (pretty much every day is fucked for her) is Charla Nash – the woman who got FUCKED UP by her best friend’s chimpanzee that went berserk after drinkin wine and takin medication. This past week she revealed her face on Oprah. See the video here (warning, it’s not pretty in the least):

The good thing is that she can’t see how bad she looks. Seriously. Could you imagine waking up that face every morning? I would cry myself to death. Another good thing is she can’t go online and read what people are sayin. My comment may be negative but I’m totally serious, I would rather die than look like that. But other people might be just makin jest and poking fun, which isn’t cool. That woman is messed up. I hope she gets the money so she can regain some of her life.

I guess the H1N1 doesn't look so bad now..

Lauren Johnson hasn't been havin a good two weeks...

Lol. Damn, why I feel like she might be fakin it? Those sneezes don't seem to hurt at all!!! And you know if you sick and you keep sneezing, that shit fucks with you. She seems perfectly fine...hmmmmm. If she gets a reality show I'ma be mad as fuck. But if she isn't fakin that shit sucks. I hope it goes away soon.

Marines are having a good day...

Another person havin a bad day is Steve Burton of Los Angeles, CA. It appears that Stevie wanted to impress people at his high school reunion, so he created this mystical life (blog and all) about serving in the Marines. He showed up with a crazy amount of medals of honor and valor and all that good stuff. Only problem is someone at the reunion was really in the Navy and knew that one of the medals (Navy Cross) wasn't handed out lightly and thought it was suspect for Steve to have one. So she took a picture with Steve and sent that shit to the FBI!!! HAHAHAHAHA GRIMEY!!! So the FBI investigated and found him to be a fraud...so now he's pleading not guilty but i think he's fucked. His life partner declined to comment about the situation. Hmmm, his partner (of 18 years). Maybe he was in the Marines and was discharged because of his sexual preference??? Or maybe he's not gettin the dick at home so he wants to go to jail, hahahahaha.

Larry King day isn't as bad...

A group of people that might be having a bad day are conservative women...
 
Why does it seem like the only ones that are allowed air time are air heads? Carrie Prejean totally makes an ass out of herself on Larry King. Did she not understand the question or was she just scared that if she started talkin some bones would creep out her closet. I mean, we already know why she settled...because like most conservative women, she's a fuckin hypocrite. What's this news that she used the pagent money to get breast implants? She pretends to be wholesome when she's really hoe-some.

Dwayne Wade has a good day!

Even atheletes have bad days, only difference is it gets put on ESPN...ask Anderson Varejao:


Have a good weekend!
The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Time to go hard!

Yoooooooo, how’s it hanging? It should be hangin at all on Werk-N-Jerk Wednesdays!!! OWWWWWWWWWWW!

Discharged from the army after coming out

So I’m totally confused…why can’t there be gays in the military? If a fag wants to serve his country (and not in a gay way) then what’s the issue? Better him than me!!! I ain’t built for no military. The worst outcome is I run into a gay dude that is trained in hand to hand combat and he takes me down…more like forces me down. Yuck. All jokes aside, I can’t believe this is still an issue. If he can shoot, kill, save lives, and all that other good shit, then why discharge him (or her)? I’m really lost by what the fear is of gays in the military. It’s already been proven that they aren’t the creator of AIDS, they don’t make others gay (maybe more confident to come out but they don’t have a gay stone that makes straight people look for the same sex). Maybe my gay friends, hOmar and hOfi aka Gay Tonys, can provide some insight. Are gay people with guns not as scary as straight people with guns?

Brasilian student expelled and reinstated...stupid

Ok, I don’t understand why this is news. ANYWHERE!! It shouldn’t be news in Brasil and it certainly shouldn’t be news in America. So she wore a short dress…in Brasil. That’s like a black man gettin arrested in Africa for being black. It’s the fuckin norm out there! I guess her actions in class (hiking up her skirt, twirling around on a pole (why is there a pole on campus? Lamp post maybe?) ) are what got her expelled. Obviously the school doesn’t want her practicing for work while on campus. This just goes to show how bored I am with the world, that I’m even discussing non events. Sigh.

Mobile strippers in Vegas

Like my man said, you don’t bring you kids to Vegas. You take em to Disney. I mean, who is runnin around with their kids after 10pm anyways? I think that is a novel idea and the girls where lookin pretty stacked…out of all the ones they coulda interviewed, they chose Pinocc-hoe, smh. I could really see this being a traffic issue tho. It’s bad enough havin drunk or tipsy or a distracted driver as it is. Now you wanna throw in some pole dancing? The Vegas strip is too busy for all that extra shit. It’s a great idea, but I see the city shuttin it down soon.

J. Lo doesn't want ex to release video

If you’re strapped for cash, what do you usually do? Most people find another job or somethin but that’s not the case for J. Lo’s ex-hubby. Ojani Noa is tryin to release a video of him and J. Lo on their honeymoon. Lopez is filing a suit to keep it from comin out. It appears her and her lawyers want to look at the tape first and make sure it doesn’t make her look like the grimy bitch she is. What’s most likely gonna happen is J. Lo is gonna pay Noa not to release the tape and he can go about his merry life ballin outta control. Then when he’s strapped for cash, another video will surface. This will continue until he is ready to release the sex tape, and that’s when he’ll really get paid. Damn, why can I be a nobody who married and divorced a somebody and slowly extorts them for the rest of my life?

Abdul Jabbar has cancer!!!

Hey man, we are praying for ya. But if Magic can beat AIDS, then you can beat Leukemia…damn lucky Lakers. But I’m really posting this for the rest of ya’ll. Even if you are an athlete and are in great health, you’re still susceptible to cancer and other ailments. Get to a doctor!!! Hopefully this health reform bill passes so that other people can keep their health.

Rihanna on her Mr. Roger's game

Before we jump to the Ri-Ri pics, I got into a debate, which turned out to be just an argument at the end, with someone about Chris Brown’s career. They had just finished watchin Rihanna’s interview and felt that CB was done for. They said CB wouldn’t rebound and he would fade away. I disagreed, showin the person that celebrities bounce back all the time and society tends to forgive and forget when it doesn’t directly involve them. I didn’t realize some people were just sooo emotional…anyways everyone agreed with my point and disagreed with the emo I was talkin to. But how do ya’ll feel? Do you think CB is done deaded or can the 19 year old singer still bounce back and become a world superstar like he once was (and in my opinion, still is)? Anyways, here is Rihanna lookin terrible with that golden hair. What is she? A Greek goddess? Halloween was two weeks ago boo boo – wash that shit out.

Difference between real and fake

You may wanna turn the sound down for this one, but enjoy Werk-N-Jerk Wednesdays!!!



The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

I wish the world would end...

Don’t think I left you…I’ve just been disinterested in the heartache this world likes to bring…so here is some good news (even though it’s not Friday). And congrats to the Yankees!!! World Champs!!! That’s great news!! NY is back on top!!!

Trey Songz - I Invented Sex

Trey Songz…yupppppppppp!

I’m soooo glad Drake isn’t on this version. I wish he was left off the album too! That dude is so wack. But anyways, TS is like a cuter more famous version of me. All I need is for him to bring girls into the room, blindfold them, and then I’ll come in. They won’t even know the difference…except the girl would be like “damn Trey, you don’t fit anymore. Did you get bigger?” Owwwwwwwwwwww.

Child leaves messages after death

You don’t have to watch the entire video, just up until they interview the parents.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THAT??? Seriously. When they found the latest note in the coloring book, I got chills. Why can’t adults be this thoughtful and loving? The world would be such a great place! I’m comin off extra mushy and I don’t care. Sick of hearing about Jon & Kate, or how Obama isn’t fulfilling his duties, or how some sicko did something sick. It’s tiring. I could never be a real news reporter. So depressing. Even though the girl died, she still left behind something that continues to put a smile not just on the faces of her family members, but anyone that hears this story. And she’s inspired her parents to do more. It’s amazing that a child can get more accomplished in death than most adults living.

Dallas Cowgirl gets in tough with her roots

LMAO, white people can be so oblivious at times. I think it’s because SHE IS a Dallas Cowgirl she can get away with it. Most of her coworkers (the NFL) are black and I’m pretty sure she’s flirted/chatted with some of the players before. I think this was just a lapse in judgment. But that makes me wonder…because why didn’t any of her black friends tell her it might not be a good idea? I’m guessin it was a good idea up until the photos were leaked. Hopefully the Eagles don’t take it out on the Cowboys next Sunday.

Olivia Munn needs to put her ass on my face

Olivia Munn was on the Jimmy Fallon show with Artie Lange (Mad TV). Funny stuff.
Part 1:


Part 2:


Olivia Munn is the ONLY white girl I would marry based on personality. Not sayin that she isn’t cute, but she is just too funny with a good balance of dorky, nerdy, and sexy. Sarah Silverman take notes.
The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!