I'm now a homeless shelter

I hired some extra help with the Rant. Believe it or not, they aren’t Mexicans from the Home Depot…those boys don’t even show up anymore. Nope, I found these bums on the steps of Wall St. talkin bout they’ll do anythin. So here we have The Slumlord and The Squatter. And Rupert Murdoch apologized, but I don’t care enough to give it its own post. I’ll only be gone for a week and a half…so bear with them.

The Punjab of Louisiana

I figured it out! These Republicans are soooo sneaky sometimes. Just because America has accepted “Slumdog Millionaire” as one of the best movies of 2008, they figure we’d accept our very own slumdog! “Bobby” Jindal is the governor of Louisiana and he doesn’t want any Federal Aid from the stimulus package due to the unforeseen repercussions it could have down the road. Whoa whoa whoa. Unforeseen repercussions? How bout the FORESEEN repercussions of NOT taking it? Louisiana isn’t really the hotbed of America right now. Nobody is givin up their jobs to move down there for some Gumbo and nice tits every February/March. I mean the music may be great, but it ain’t THAT great. This is why I love Republicans…they just make it easy for me to do my job. Look at this irony…when we had a Republican president, he wouldn’t send any aid down there. Now they got a Republican governor and he won’t accept any aid. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I suggest the people of Louisiana…wait a second. How did Jindal get appointed? If he was voted in, well I guess the citizens get what they voted for. Republicans don’t care for the poor because most of them haven’t been poor in a long time…if ever.

Mardi Gras shooting

Speakin of the lovely Mardi Gras, several people were wounded from gun fire today including an infant. When people don’t have any real jobs or any legal money to make, this is the type of dumb shit that happens. So yes governor, forego saving the jobs in your state. Allow your citizens to hit the very bottom. Then they can wipe themselves out and…oh boy, I’ma save that for the next post. Now I’m not sayin that givin money to niggas is gonna stop them from actin like niggas, but at least they won’t be shootin each other. They’ll be doin other typical niggas with money type shit…such as creating video blogs about how they can’t fill their jets with gas (I’m LOOKING AT YOU DIDDY!!!)

The real reason not to accept help

Let me find out that these south Republican governors don’t want the money so that their citizens can suffer to the point that they either kill themselves or the governors can spin it and make Obama look like the bad guy. Either way, they’ll keep their red states red. I see right through you lames and I hope your people do too! I hear that a lot of mayors under these Republican idiots don’t agree and want to find out if there is a way for them to skip the middle man and still get some Federal help. See mayors have to look their people in the eyes every day, so it’s harder for them to pass on helpin them out. These Republican governors? They live in a nice mansion away from the pesky commoners.

9 year old weds

Why are people still dyin from Leukemia? This is like the saddest shit I’ve seen in a minute. I couldn’t imagine at my age of ?? knowin I only have a few weeks to live. I have so much left to accomplish. Now, this 9 year old has to put on a brave face for all her loved ones. I’d have McCain use the word “nigger” to describe Martin Luther King everyday for the rest of his life if it meant saving this little girl.

Video promotes rape

Leave it to Japan to be on the next big thing lol. Alright, the game is NOT COOL. I mean, I plan on gettin it just to see how twisted it is, but I’ma twisted person. I would never suggest any child playing the game. I can’t even believe someone OK’d this. Then again, this comes from a country where they used to sell “used” girl’s (not women) underwear in vending machines. Those Japs are PERVS!!! I can’t believe that someone OK’d this…so unreal. Like wow. I’m just waitin for the other shoe to drop cuz you know the next game to come from this company is either gonna be “Cracka Killas” in which you get to Kamikaze into U.S. landmarks or “Noose-a-Nigga” and I don’t think I have to explain how that game works…Hmmm “Noose-a-Nigga” sounds like my next iPhone App!

Man dies enroute to Buffalo

In an attempt to head off further effects of the recession, the city of Buffalo has started murdering citizens before they can enter the city and sink it into a further hole. Okay, okay, bad joke. But I'm from Buffalo so I get a pass, and besides until The Tenant cuts me a check from the click revenue I'm legally not responible for my actions. But seriously, how crazy is it that a week after the crash of Continental flight 3407 that a man dies on the plane on his way to Buffalo. Southwest allowed the man on the plane even after he complained of not feeling well. While on the flight, he died of natural causes. If it was my family I would sue Southwest for neglect (hey people have gotten paid for worse). To avoid future lawsuits Southwest should insist that all passengers flying to Death Valley (Buffalo) sign a waiver. I tell ya what, the next time I visit friends and family back home I'll be driving.

Rapper arrested for cheating on diet

N.O.R.E. got arrested for cheating on his diet. If that's not inspiration for all you people out there trying to loose weight, then you're just destine to be fat for the rest of your life. N.O.R.E. or "The Hamburgerlar" as he will now be known was arrested at Fat Burger in Miami Beach. Now, "The Hamburgerlar" wasn't actually arrested for cheating on his diet, it was for whoopin some ass. But the first question you have to ask is: What the hell was N.O.R.E. doing at a damn Fat Burger? This dude is suppose to be the loose weight guru and he's busted at a Fat Burger! According to "The Hamburgerlar" he was there getting a veggie burger, come on now, really N.O.R.E? A veggie burger? That's like saying you were in the strip club looking for a ballerina.

tough break nigga...

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Megan Fox is single

So some of you may give a rat’s ass…me I don’t. But yeah, Megan “Not a” Fox has broken up (again) with Brian Austin Green. They’ve been engaged for like 3 years now…damn, I wonder what the holdup was. I mean how can you stay engaged for 3 years before you realize, “hmmm, you’re not the one.” Now for regular mortals who fear never finding anyone, I could understand. But this is Megan Fox…a goddess to many people. Wait wait wait. I forgot. The broad is dumb insecure about her looks and prolly thinks Brian was the best she could do. Even celebrities suffer (the most) from self esteem issues.

Adriana Lima is off the market

Now I know you give a rat’s ass, cuz I do! What kinda bullshit is this? I mean, I didn’t think that it would happen so soon. Adriana AND Salma? What is the world comin to? Next Christina Milian? I mean seriously. But Lima confirmed the marriage rumors on her MySpace page and I pray someone hacked her account. I mean look at the guy…with those South Park eyes. So annoyin. I need money, because LOOKS DON’T MATTER WHEN YOU’RE RICH! The link to her MySpace page ain’t workin so I guess I have to wait for People to confirm. The last hottest virgin alive is taken...

Kelly Clarkson isn't a fashion idol

Not sure what Kelly Clarkson is thinkin here. I mean she doesn’t have the bust to fill that top out. And the green? The jacket looks so small that she couldn’t fold her arms if she was upset with the way I’m trashin her…but she already trashed herself. The pants are a total miss, lookin frumpy towards the bottom. And what kinda wool Crocs does she have on? I don’t understand how girls can dress badly. Isn’t this what ya’ll been training to do since birth?

Marisa Tomei is slee-pei

Marisa Tomei is usually lookin like a hot piece of ass, but I don’t know what’s goin on with her. Even at the Oscars she was lookin super tired. Someone get Marisa some assistance so that she can get some sleep and go back to hot bitch I fantasize about.

Beyonce and Hugh are no Janet and Justin

Hugh Jackman is a lucky man. Yes, don’t comment, I already know.

Scary Spice isn't so scary afterall

Scary Spice aka Mel B is actually lookin decent.

Ok so you know how magazines for white women usually airbrush off any curves for the guest model of the month? Oh come on, don’t act surprised. Beyonce is Good Housekeeping is way too skinny to believe. Well I think the reverse happens in magazines for blacks. Here is Christina Milian, lookin good as ever…but when did she get an ass like that? I CHALLENGE you to find a Christina Milian photo with her butt that big.

The Rant Is Due Muthafuckas!!!

Too much time on my hands

Day 2 of havin TV and not really watchin it…I lied yesterday; I did watch part of the Oscars. I saw everything from Best Director on. I thought it was cool how they did Best Actress and Actors, with distinguished winners doing a blurb on the nominee. The ladies definitely did a better job than the guys. It actually looked like some of the actresses memorized most of what they were gonna say, so instead of readin from the prompter they actually looked like they meant it. I guess women are better actors…nah, just better at faking emotions. Did anyone see Salma at the awards? Not like I was lookin for her…One highlight is Ben Stiller’s impersonation of Joaquin Phoenix:

Stocks dip, badly

Now, I just wanna point out to my new readers that I’m not a Socialist, I just have Socialist tendencies. And those points of views usually come out when I read dumb shit like the Dow and S&P are at lows not seen since 97. The stock market is one of the few things that is controlled by the individual rather than a corporation. Stocks don’t increase in price due to the fact a CEO is tryin to boost his/her profits (not legally). Stocks go up when people have faith and invest their money, and go down when people start selling them off (for the most part). So that means the only reason the indexes are fallin is because people are getting scared and sellin off their stocks. Why? Beats me. Because of their capitalist mentality which is “I need to get MY money out of the market to save MY ass. Fuck what everyone else is doing.” When enough individuals think like that, you get the aforementioned scenario (oohhh, “aforementioned”. The Rant also prepares kids for SATs). What would be better is if everyone did their part and kept their faith in the economy and help strengthen it rather than weaken it. Maybe we are gonna be bought out by China and I missed the memo.

Pass The A1

50 needs to just give up rap and stick to makin silly videos. This one isn’t as funny as the other, but still gets at Officer Ricccckkkkkkkkkkkky. And the reason I haven’t really shown any of Rick Ross’ responses is because they mad weak. Callin 50 a “munn-key” and stuff, not really funny or note worthy. So step it up Officer Ricccckkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyy.

Cam'ron answers questions from Harlem

Cam’ron has an album coming out soon and I guess to properly hype himself up and get a good buzz going, he’s on the internet doin interviews and what not. Here is a segment called “Ask Cam”.
HAHAHA, not as comedic as 50 but I found it funny answering a question with a question that didn’t make much sense.