Jennifer Aniston's life might get worse

Seriously, can we just STOP picking on Jennifer Aniston? She needs to quit the game and retire. Fuck it. She’s not that GOOD of an actress and her movements are always under the microscope. I’m pretty sure she has enough money to find a new hobby. Just make sure it’s nothing that Brange like to do. I blame her management for this tabloid shit. If they had nipped it in the bud YEARS ago, Jen might actually have a real career and wouldn’t come off as the loser everyone feels sorry for. I think Jen needs a real nigga in her life. Shake things up. Help her improve her gangsta. We need a new Aniston.

Aniston and Mayer move on

I really feel sorry for Aniston. I know I clown and kid and call her a loser all the time, but her life is a lot harder than I could imagine. But I think she brings some of that bullshit to herself. Who is her publicist? Where are her friends? Why isn’t anyone tryin to make Jen Aniston the shit isn’t of the chick that gets shitted on? I think Jen needs some black friends. Girls that will take her shoppin and tell her that Mayer is a dickhead and she never should talk to him again. Then help her with a make over so that Jen and all 40 years of her can get her groove back. But, Jen should remember one thing. As far as looks go, she is really just the girl next door. Nothin of Hollywood caliber. So she should start dating people of non Hollywood caliber. No silly, I’m not talkin bout me. Jen couldn’t get me to date her if she dyed her arm and leg hairs blonde and got an ass implant.

Secret pregnancy for Jen?

HAHAHAHA, this picture almost made me shit a brick…because it’s too funny. If Jen is havin Mayer’s baby…well good for her. It’s about time and I wish her the best. Now the media will have somethin else to talk to her about…unless she names the child Maddox.

Jen does an interview, guess what she talks about

As many of you know, I hate Team Aniston. Why? Because she is a loser that just won’t let her past life go. For instance, she just did an interview in Elle UK magazine and they asked her about her divorce to which she responded: "No matter what I say, things will always be taken out of context and misinterpreted, will always be turned around to make it seem as though I won’t let something go, or that I just keep talking about it over and over. I don’t owe anybody anything. I don’t owe anybody my side of the story. There are no sides! There is no bad guy and there is no good guy. There are no villains and there is no heroine in this story. It’s just not the case." No matter what you say, things will be always taken out of context? THEN HOW BOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! You know why it seems like you won’t let somethin go? It’s because you won’t! Most celebrities have a list of questions that they won’t answer and if the interviewer asked those questions the interview would be over immediately. Why can’t you be like those celebrities? Because you’re a loser. And the only way you will generate interest is by makin the public feel sorry for you. You want everyone to think you’re the underdog and root for you. It’s sad and it hasn’t worked. You had to do a movie with another loser at love before you hit the pay dirt. Ugh. I love you but I hate you at the same time Jen. Get your life together.

John Mayer is lame

Ryan Seacrest is a sneaky dude…or Jen thinks she is the Queen B in Hollywood. Mayer (yea, Jen’s boo) called in to pretty much discuss his relationship with Jen on air with Ryan. I don’t want to get into the details because they weren’t juicy tidbits like “Jen loves when I tickle her with the feathers” or “she rocks these killer 9 inch heels”. It was more along the lines of a loser boy musician gushin over his girlfriend. Which is cool, if you’re a loser boy musician or if the woman you gush over is your wife. I guess Aniston and Seacrest have had the last laugh in the fight against Brange (I reaaaalllly didn’t wanna start callin them that, but it really is easier than just typin out both their names. Don’t hate me. Please?). However my money is still on the Hollywood power couple. They’ll prolly go to N. Korea tomorrow and get rid of Kim and liberate the entire country, then come back to the States and get rid of the deficit, all before Pax and Maddox get home from school. EAT THAT Maniston (is that what they’re called? I’m so new to this. Maniston, lmao, that’s funny).

Buy her a cat or two

Happy belated to Jennifer Aniston. She turned 40 yesterday. Still no kids, no marriage...damaged goods if you ask me. Has Mayer but...eh. I'll hit her up on Saturday, see if she wants to watch movies and eat ice cream.

I'm just not that into you either

This past weekend, "He's Just Not That Into You” opened up to $27.5 milli which exceeded expectations. This throws another win for Jennifer Aniston in the actin department since “Marley & Me” has brought in some major dough as well. First off, congrats to Aniston. You’re still a loser but instead of both departments it’s just the love one. I don’t really expect your career to pop off till you can hold your own in a movie and not have suicide boy Owen Wilson and a dog or a super cast with A- listers. But my main riff is why a movie like that is so popular with women (who made up 80% of the viewers)? Why do you have the inability to disconnect from guys who you KNOW are no good for you? When it is as clear as day and night that the person is not into you, why do you stick around tryin to change him instead of yourself? Now, don’t get me wrong. If you are happy with the way you are and the way you do things, then fine. More power to ya. BUT, if you tryin to get a guy to like you when he really doesn’t then why bother? You obviously aren’t what he’s lookin for and unless you change into the person he’s lookin for it’s a lost cause. This also applies about guys that don’t treat ya right. Arguing and fightin are normal and expected in a relationship. Physical fightin and psychological abuse isn’t. I don’t wanna give any examples because I don’t want these girls thinkin I really give a damn about their love lives, but why would you stay with someone you treat you like shit? Talks down to you and disrespect you in private AND in PUBLIC!!! Wow. It be the pretty ones too that get shitted on, just no sense. I guess havin an ice box where my heart used to be makes it easy for me to detach? Nah, I think it’s logic that drives me. Let me tell ya a short story. One day when I was young and curious about the world and didn’t know much, I touched an iron that was plugged in and still on. I burned my hand. Not too badly, but enough for me to remember never touch a fucking iron when it’s still plugged in. And from that day on, I never touched a plugged in iron, hot or not. See? Easy. You learn a hard lesson, buy YOU LEARN! Only idiots continually make the same mistakes and wonder why their life is in shambles. Alright I’m done. I’m just givin ya’ll a hard time. I already know the reason why people (not just women, mainly, but not just) degrade their status to lap dog for that significant other…and that’s why I stay a step ahead. Even on ice with shoes coated in Pam, you’ll never catch me slippin.

Jolie diss record comin soon

He should start datin Jennifer Aniston. They are perfect for each other. He needs a star in somethin and she needs to star in somethin. Make a music video. It would be the hottest thing in the world. At the end of the day, Jay did Dame wrong period. So did Brad. Blame it on the game, blame it on Jolie, blame it on the stars and the moon. But it’s time to move on. Nobody cares about your sob story. When people bring it up in interviews, stop commenting on it. Pity Party ’09 hosted by Dame Dash and Jennifer Aniston with musical guest Kanye West.

The TV star who thinks she's a movie star

Jennifer Aniston on the cover of GQ because she needs all the help she can get at this point, even if it is from a blog nobody reads.

Jennifer Aniston, your pride is calling...

In the upcoming issue of Vogue, Jennifer Aniston talks about how “uncool” it was for Jolie to fall in love with Brad while he was still with Jen. You know you’re a loser when the only thing people want to talk about is your divorce from a winner. JENNIFER ENOUGH!!! Fuck. And you wonder why they snicker and don’t respect you. Take the higher road and stop talkin about it. The press is not your therapist. How you gonna be mad at a woman for fallin in love with Brad Pitt? How you gonna be on good terms with him but bad terms with her? HE LEFT YOU. BRAD. PITT. LEFT. YOU!!! You simple minded bitch. Now, let me reattach my penis. Desperation is a foul stench. I don’t know how Mayer puts up with it. Then again I hear the boy is a savage and fish stop swimming when he walks in a room. And I’m not gonna lie. I’d pump Aniston full of goodness. But it would most likely be a one night affair. I’m a happily married cuckold.

Oh Jen...

My favorite loser is back in action. It appears that Jennifer Aniston has been hookin up with her ex John Mayer. Good for John, bad for Jen. I would fuck Aniston. She wouldn’t have to even complete the sentence.

Jen: “Would you like...” and my clothes are off.

Then I’ll ask her if her Yum Yum is good. LMAO. But seriously, I hope Jen is just in it for the sex. She needs to give up her fairytale and admit the fact she will be one of those women who just doesn’t get married. She’ll be “that aunt”. Lol. We all have one of them. The fastest she admits it, the cooler she’ll appear in the eyes of the world.

No one on the corner has swagger like us...

Remember that chick that annoyed the hell outta me? Well it looks like one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Or in this case one woman's trash is another man's catchy hook. I just downloaded some songs some I’m litter this post with HOT FIYAH (like Dylan) cuz ya’ll can’t see me like you got cheap seats lmao.

So let’s get ready for all the back peddling that will occur over the next few months. Because I know the Republicans won’t forget about how the Clintons didn’t think Obama has enough experience but now they are backing him. Damn Democratic flip floppers. You know what would really impress me? If they came out and said they played dirty politics and were tryin to attack Obama anyway they could. I’m really glad Obama stuck to his “Change” platform and didn’t roll in the mud with all the other candidates. The last label he would need is the ABM or Angry Black Man label. There is NO way white people would vote for an ABM into office. They would rather see a CWB or Crazy White Bitch be President first, lol.

The Most Pitiful Non Drugged Out Celebrity is at it again. Jennifer Aniston was seen rockin a ring on her ring finger. Granted a lot of women do that, and the ring clearly isn’t an engagement ring or wedding band…but with her track record, it’s very loser-ish. She really needs to fire her manager or whoever is tellin her it’s ok to wallow in self-pity and make soccer moms around the country feel sorry for you. She needs to stop lookin so desperate cuz no celebrity wants to deal with a head case. Now a field engineer who does blogging on the side might wanna deal with you….so go ahead and leave your phone number Jen, I’ll call you in a couple days (sike, I don’t need any drama in my life).

Seems like new money got ran out by old money….or more like old white dudes didn’t want see a black man shine. Jay-Z’s 40/40 Club in Vegas is closing its doors soon and the area is being sold back to the hotel. I been to the 40/40 in Vegas and it was cool. I didn’t like how it was out of the way of everythin else in the hotel. Usually hotel clubs are found on the first or even second floor of the hotel. To access the 40/40 you had to go down like 2 or 3 flights of stairs before you reached it. If this was an uber exclusive club, then that woulda made sense. But it wasn’t. It was a $20 cover just like any other spot. Vegas is a tough market and I don’t think Jay was ever set up to succeed. O well, he’s thinkin bout opening one up in Chi-town and/or Tokyo.

Speakin of the Carters….what in the fuck hell shit is sister-in-law, Solange, wearin on her feet? Did she step in road kill? Is that a set Tina Turner wigs? I know Beyonce is laughing her ass off lookin at her sister. Because you know their mama dresses them…I guess Mama Knowles was like only one sister can look fly when makin public appearances and that sister is gonna be the richer one.







I guess Mama Knowles is also pickin out outfits for Eva Mendes….



what is this yellow moo moo teddy? It says “I wanna be sexy for you, but not tonight because I have a headache” lol. The things people wear.

Yay for original casting!!!!
Fast & Furious





The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

But you're like a bitch with no ass...

Tired, so we keepin it short…but that hardly ever holds true, so we’ll see.

What the fuck is Walk Racing (or Race Walking, whatever)? Fuckin Olympics man, they make anythin sport. Did the Olympic committee add this sport during Bring Your Children to Work day? Did someone notice kids running in the hall and yell “Hey you guys, walk!!!” And then watched them speed walk instead and said “Hm, that would be an excellent event to add to the Olympics.” Have you seen adults competitively speed walk? It looks like they got a shitty booty. You know the walk you get when you take a shit, but later your ass starts to sweat so you get that nasty itch? Lol. The women’s asses look cute but very funny when watchin this. And why ARE they wearin bikinis while speed walkin?


Rihanna is broke. According to her former business manager who was promptly fired after she told Rihanna she only had 20K to her name. It’s a good thing she has Chris Brown as her sugar daddy. It appears 5-head isn’t as successful as she appears. Her albums aren’t really sellin, but her singles are doin well. This doesn’t translate well at Def Jam who apparently hasn’t funded an album for her to this date (it appears her manager is putting in some real work tryin to keep the S.S. Rhianna from sinkin). With only 20K, that bitch better send out a real S.O.S otherwise she gonna have to Take A Bow as her curtains come to a close lol (I’m nice with my word play, like Cam’ron).

Another black movie star bites the dust, and gets a steady paycheck by moving to the small screen. Lawrence Fishburne, you know The Matrix, will be joining the cast of CSI in order for them to maintain their black quota.

Meg Fox on the set of Transformers 2 playin with her boobs.

You’re welcome.

You’d think with Jennifer Aniston’s strong ass arms, she’d be able to hold on to a man….lmao. She’s pitiful….but I’d still hit.

RIP LeRoi Moore of the DMB; also know to you queers as the Dave Matthews Band. I’m sorry, that was an unfair shot. Dave Matthews prolly makes great music…..just nothin I’ve heard yet.

Remember when white girls miraculously developed asses back in like ’01? I think the unicorns have died out. I mean lookin at bikini shots for some celebrities…it’s kinda disgusting. And I don’t expect my white girls to have a donk…no, that’s an added bonus. I just want it tight and round, like a stripper’s (the ones that don’t have c-section scars). Examples of nasty bottoms is Kate Beckinsale (who I still think is hot), Kristen Bell (who I thought had a butt, but I guess spandex can be TRULY deceiving), Kelly Brook, and Mrs. Borat (Isla Fisher). I don’t know who has a better ass, her or her husband lol. These pics are kinda safe for work (bikinis), but are not for people with weak stomachs. Yuck.

So this was a year for havin twins...Angie, J Lo, someone else….and now Ricky Martin. Latin flamer has adopted twins from a surrogate mother because the thought of him insertin his penis in a woman made him vomit blood violently. I mean seriously, adopted from a surrogate mother? That doesn’t even make sense...either you adopt kids or you put your sperm in another egg and place it in a surrogate mother. Instead he said, “Hey pregnant bitch, I’m takin yo kids.”

Tribute to the Unicorn:


LMAO, bonus video because this was too funny. That baby is gonna a fucked up view of women in society:






The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Home Sweet

I’m back home…and extremely tired so this will be either a partial rant (meanin dumb short) or I finish the rest later today.

I've seen the baddest chicks at an airport, but the funny thing is they never on my flight. The worst is when they sit in the same area as you, but board a flight at the adjacent gate (i apologize for usin the word adjacent (which means next to), I know how you people don't like big words). And when they are on my flight, they never get seated next to me. That's why I fly southwest nowadays. The open seating policy works to my advantage...now if I could get the cute girls to not fall asleep as soon as I sit next to them lol. Another thing I’ve started doing when flyin is puttin MD or PHD as a suffix for my name. Southwest likes to print your name on the ticket nice and big. A foreign doctor always gets girls wet.

In boo hoo news, it appears that Jennifer Aniston was dumped by John Mayer this week. When will she learn that a needy woman like her needs a needy loser. She has to stop tryin to date celebrities more successful than she is (yea, even Vince Vaughn has made better movies). She needs to start datin waiters and aspiring singers and mop boys…that way she can get her love child out of them before they realize they can do better.

Wow, another dumb bitch has made the news. It appears that a lady left her 3 year old son in her pickup truck without the windows open. Saddest part of the story? Police say that the child actually tried to save himself and open windows, start the car, unlock the door, but couldn’t. The dumb bitch said that she was going to drop him off at daycare before her shifted started, but forgot….I think her punishment should be to sit in the electric chair for just 2 seconds…but then we forget to turn it off. Next up is a man tried for murder for shakin his baby to death. I mean, he shook the shit outta the child…I mean not like a salt shaker, more like shake and bake. The baby's retinas were destroyed and he was blinded. Doctors say that even if the baby was kept alive (he was on life support) he woulda been blind and couldn’t feel anything. I’m runnin out of evil things to do to these people….just shoot him in the face, but not point blank. Graze him, and let me bleed to death.

A man is being sued by his ex wife for $25 million for giving her an STD. LMAO. Damn. Apperantly he had been havin unprotected sex with Asian hookers, which he admitted to his wife. Then about 9 years later she gets HPV and he admits to her again that he is still sleepin with hookers and has a mistress. Once a cheat, always a cheat… guess she learned the hard way.

Dad gets feed up with how his kids act, so this is what he does. Lol, damn. That’s just mean, but good parenting.

Teachers and students becomin friends on Facebook? If it’s a college setting then, ok (and I say that with reservations) but if it’s high school? That shit is gross B. Why on earth would you want to be friends with you students? That’s just askin for trouble, and it looks mad unprofessional. And why would a student want to be friends with their teacher? I liked Facebook back in the day when they didn’t have the crazy security settings, so that whatever you posted online…ALL your friends saw it. That made people more careful on whom they choose as friends. Now it’s simply a matter of adding your teachers to the “teacher” list and not givin them access to your drunken photos. Me? I don’t make friends with anyone that wasn’t born in the 80s. I don’t care how “down” or “hip” you pretend to be, if you grew up without internet you don’t need to be on Facebook. Go to MySpace for that shit.


Yap that fool!!!

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!