2010 VMAs...sucked

So i had a personal request to come back...and the reason I'm doin this isn't because I owe that one person a favor or that they have nude pictures of me with a donkey and some whipped cream. No. I'm postin because I kinda miss it. The world is a crazy enough place to keep me employed and ranting till my grandkids take over the family business. Anyways, on to the 2010 MTV VMAs. I honestly believe that MTV is doing to the world what BET did to black people. The education system is failing and I think it falls on the shoulders of the media to properly educate the masses...but that's another rant.

The program was over two hours which gives me more than enough ammo to fire off for two days but I'ma try to keep this tight like Kim Kardashian's vagina. Now off the bat you think my analogy failed, but I digress. The bitch loves to keep herself together (so to speak) so I'm prettttty sure she's had that vagina rejuvenation surgery. It's the Kim K way!!! And I for one am happy for it, because I like it tight. Not snug. Tight. Like "hold on hold on, don't move I might bust" tight. The things I would do to Kim Kardashian would be deemed illegal after the video leaked. The Supreme Court would make up a new law just to prevent it from happening to another woman. And if you haven't seen her Playboy pics, you can check them here (NSFW).

First on my shit list is the people on the guest list. LADY GAGA!!! Of course I have to talk about her talented ass. And what an ass she has for a white girl. Oh and speakin of white girls with asses (or lack thereof) Chelsea Handler's bottom is very disappointing considerin all the attention it gets from anyone black on her show. Maybe she shoulda invested in Booty Pop for the VMAs. But back to Gaga. I don't like her. Her music is catchy. It's pop. It's manufactured. We've all seen Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta on Boiling Points and the YouTube videos of her pre fame performances. So it really annoys me when she turns into Gaga and talks about keepin it real and expressin yourself. Lady Gaga is a persona. Just like The Tenant. Just like Diddy. Yes, I put my name right in-between to great entertainers because I am a great entertainer...the world just doesn't know it yet. And to be honest, The Tenant isn't too far off from the real me. Just as crazy but a bit more impolite when blogging. Anyways, congrats to Gaga but stick to makin music not makin statements...your fashion sense and music is statement enough. Is it just me or were there no black presenters this year or did I fast forward past them all? Any black presenter had a white chaperone with them. Chelsea is hilarious on her show, but was clearly nervous being the first woman to host the VMAs in like 16 years or so. Or maybe she was worried about here sex tape being leaked soooon. Check out stills here (NSFW) Eh, maybe she'll get another shot hostin somethin else. If Sofia Vergara can fix her English just slightly, they should let her host. The things I would do to Kim K, I would practice with Sofia first. Ay mami!!! This year's VMAs is the first time I've heard Justin Bieber sing, dance, or ANYTHING! I look at him and a math equation pops in my head. Justin Timberlake - Timbaland = Justin Bieber. I will admit I can see his appeal - little Canadian boy swag. But at the end of the day I'm not downloadin his music off iTunes or iStealTunes. For the most part the people at the VMAs were very muted (thanks a lot Kanye) and nothin memorable happened. Maybe next year they'll shock people again. And when I say "they" I mean MTV because honestly nothin happens without their permission. White people love control.

Will.I.Am is more colorful inside than out

As far as performances go, I think the best might have to be...DJ Deadmau5. The LED Mickey Mouse head was awesome and he's a pretty good DJ. Click on his name to check his website. I don't do house/trance/dance/techo etc. but I could see myself poppin a Skittle at one of his parties. Second place can go to Kim Kardashian for pretending she likes Justin Bieber when she really wants me. And third place can go to Em and Rihanna. B.o.B.'s performance was cut short, Kanye's new song was going for first place till the autotune came out, nobody cares about Taylor Swift anymore, and Usher looked like he needed a walker after his performance. Honestly, I was like is Usher gonna dance or not? He broke it down a bit, but not the Usher we all remember. Guess the little baby is keepin him up at night, now that he's a single father (I told him not to marry that bitch and here's proof). The "What The Fuck" moment has resulted in a tie between Will.I.Am's matte finish makeup and Swizz Beats pretending to play the piano during Drake's performance. Will.I.Am look like a fuckin Kaws doll. It's wasn't bad compared to what other artist do (*cough*Gaga*cough*) but it was like...what the fuck? And Swizzy needs to stop. Oh you bangin a world renown piano player (Alicia Keys for those of you not in the know) so you think you can bang on a piano? WRONG!!! Sit your funny lookin ass down. Preferably a bench without a piano in front of it. Mary J. did kill it, but that's like sayin the NYPD likes to target blacks. DUHHHHH!!!

So that's it. That's my take on this year's VMAs. I wish the cast of Jersey Shore drowned in the jacuzzi but one can only wish. I'ma leave ya with the last performance, Kanye's "Runaway" which is also a film he directed...not anticipating that. Don't get me wrong, Kanye is a visionary for sure but ummm we know what happens when he tries to put his vision to film. Shout out to DJ HeaVyneSS for providing the video. I know the video is really from MTV but DJ HeaVyneSS is the best DJ on the east coast that hasn't gone global yet...so fuck off and go to his site.

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Kanye interrupts Taylor Swift (a lovely white girl)

MTV Shows

Ok, ya’ll know how I feel about ‘Ye. I respect him in every aspect and all his actions whether it’s socially right or not. But this shit right here is totally disrespectful. It’s one thing do shit that affects you and you alone, but he interrupted Taylor’s moment. That shit is ridiculous. Did you see her face? He ruined her moment. There is no forgiving that. I mean Taylor will prolly win another moon man in her life (once she does some country pop), but still. Douchebag. I don’t know of any sane person who thinks what Kanye did was cool. EVERYONE and their MOMMMAS have called him out his name for that. I believe he apologized on Twitter but what the fuck is that? Yeah it’s public but I don’t find it to be the most sincere form. He should give her a beat. That’s love right there. No sickos, he should give her a beat like have sex with her…he has Amber to beat up (in slang, to “beat up” means to beat up the pussy. That’s good sex right there). He should produce one of her next tracks. Everyone has lashed out at him sayin he only did it to Taylor Swift because he could, meaning she’s a small white girl who wouldn’t have punched him in the face. They prolly right. He wouldn’t have let his drunkenness get the best of him if a stronger personality was onstage. And Beyonce still won Video of the Year. So what the fuck Kanye? What the fuck?

MTV Shows

Dammmmmmmmn, is she smuggling Killer Tomatoes in that dress? Classy broad. Gotta love her.



*Update - Kanye was on the Jay Leno show and he apologized:

He shoulda blamed it on the alcohol. Because now it seems like he was in the right state of mind when he did it and that's just corny. Whatever. I still listen to R. Kelly, MJ, and Chris Brown...I'll most likely still listen to Kanye.

2009 VMA Red carpet

Last VMA shit…the hotness. Was the theme for the award show black and gold or silver dresses? No fashion forwardness…I don’t include Lady Gaga because she really isn’t fashionable. More like an experiment gone wrong. I like the spikes in Katy’s dress. Anyways, VMA red carpet. Enjoy!!!

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Crash Landing

Allergies are acting up so lookin at the screen for an extended time gives me a headache. Guess I’ll have to keep it short today. VMAs are being hosted in LA but since I am without cable I can’t really see it or rant on it. But I’m downloading it as we speak (or read) along with Entourage, so tomorrow’s rant should be a good one!

So I came to a very sad realization this weekend. Nothin revolutionary but just solidified the argument. Beefing with 50 Cent will end your career or in this case, break up your group. Bring in Exhibit A: Dip-Set. Cam’ron and the Dips have survived beefs with Nas and Jay-Z, but as soon as they went up against 50…well you know the rest. 50 is a monster that has to be stopped. I don’t know what kinda incriminating pics or information he has on people in the rap game, but once you try to go head up against him, you’re done. The Game kinda survived but I think LAX is his last album, and The Game didn’t really have a career yet for 50 to extinguish. Fat Joe went up against 50, but Joey Crack is….well Joey Crack. And I don’t even know any Puerto Ricans that buy his shit.

Livin in LA, I’ve noticed a lot of things that differentiate the west from the east. Most notably is fashion. People in LA have no style. Everyone dresses like everyone else or what they see the celebrities do. The biggest culprit has to be the Mexicans. Not so much the guys, but the girls for sure. I think Mexican girls get a discount on skinny jeans, because every single one of them has at least 5 pairs. The problem with them wearing skinny jeans (and this doesn’t apply to all of them, but a good 80%) is the Mexican body structure. A lot of Mexican girls are top heavy. All the fat they have stops at the waist. It’s like the cells in their bodies won’t allow any fat to end up in the ass or legs. So you’re prolly thinkin “well, then what’s wrong with them wearin the jeans if they legs are skinny?” So I say to you, you need to paint a better picture in your head. If all the fat is kept at the top and they are wearing skinny jeans, take a moment a draw that out. It looks disgusting. It looks like the guy who spends all his time at the gym doin upper body workouts and neglects his legs. Except instead of muscle in that upper body, replace it with fat. Ohhhh, now you get the picture. Another thing I hate about the skinny jeans is when guys wear them and then try to sag their pants. A) No guy should be wearing jeans that tight (this ain’t the early 90s) and B) No guy should be saggin his pants (this ain’t the late 90s). Maybe they aren’t sagging, maybe their jeans are so tight, that’s as far up as they would go. Lol, either way it’s homo and a look that should be discarded.

Now that I’ve lost all my Latina friends, lol, I would like to mention one thing I like about them. They all seem to like to hug after just meeting you. Other ethnicities won’t let you get that close even if you fuckin them. So that’s pretty nice since they are top heavy, just gotta make sure your hand doesn’t get stuck in a roll, lmao.

In an act that smells more and more of desperation, McCain has vowed to have more than the one token Democrat in his Cabinet. He has promised U.S. Sen. Joseph Lieberman a spot as well, lol. But seriously, I wonder how it feels to run a race you know you’re losing?

We all know that Sarah Palin in 1984, she was crowned Miss Wasilla and she was runner-up in the subsequent Miss Alaska pageant later that year. I already made a joke about it. But here is the kicker…the person she lost to was Marilyne Blackburn, Alaska’s first BLACK winner. HAHAHAHAHAHA. How you lose to a black person in a state with no black people? The judges must have chose Marilyne for her “exoticness.” Did McCain know this before choosing Palin? Probably not, since he just drew names out a hat lmao. I guess Palin does have a lot of experience, since she’s already experienced losing to the first black winner!!!

Up in Fresno, cops have arrested a man that broke into a farm and woke up 2 of the farm workers by “rubbing spices” on one, and smacking the other one with an eight inch assuage. HAHAHAHA, how homo. I mean, if that was me, I woulda never reported that part to the cops. “Yeah officer, he woke me up by slapping me with an eight inch sausage.” The cops musta have been rollin on the floor laughin when writing the report.

I feel sorry for Bob:


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