Not everyone Mexican is from Mexico

Here is an article about Cinco De Mayo and how other Latin cultures hate how America only focuses on Mexican history and culture. Well, I can understand why they hate to be lumped in with the Mexicans. I mean I wouldn’t want to be associated with any group that caused a health pandemic either. But seriously, I think they should be glad that ANY Latin American culture is being recognized. I mean, you really gotta pay your dues with the white people before they start giving you holidays. Considerin how much they’ve stolen from the Spanish (and I’m just talkin bout land), the Mexicans have surely paid their dues. So to all my Central American readers, fall back. What you need to be doin is drinkin and celebrating because you’re just happy to be here. That’s what the blacks had to do (and they built this damn country) and the Mexicans are doing (and most of the land was theirs). You aren’t gonna show up in the modern history books for at least another 50-75 years, unless you do somethin remarkable. Like produce beautiful women…OUCH!

Driving is a contact sport in LA

R.I.P. Nick Adenhart of the Anaheim Angels (why does the news say ‘Los Angeles’? The only LA team is the Dodgers bitch!). He was killed in a TERRIBLE car crash that left two others dead and like 2 or 3 wounded. A driver in a red minivan ran a red light and smashed into like 3 cars. Crazy. He was a rookie pitcher and finished having a great night pitching, keepin the game scoreless for 6 innings. But that’s a day in the life (and death) for a car driver in southern California. Last week a USC student was killed by a hit and run. They caught the lady that did it, thankfully. Oh, and they caught the guy in the red minivan too. He’s goin away for a lonnnng time. But like I was sayin, there are at least a good 10 accidents a day out here. I wish that LA would stop giving out driver’s licenses in cereal boxes. That would cut down the accidents for sure. And the punishment for driving without a license or proper insurance should be hella strict. I’m tired of seein people on the road with cars that have no business driving. I knew a person that came straight from Africa and said he’d rather drive back at home than in LA. And it’s true. The drivers in LA are the worst (right Pax?) in the country. Everyone always tries to pin it back on NYC drivers but the truth of the matter is you can anticipate an NYC drivers actions. You kinda know what you’re gonna get. Even if they cut you off, they still put on the blinker to indicate “I’m switching in your lane whether you like it or not.” Out here in LA it’s nothin like that, you have to anticipate for the other person what they are gonna do. For instance, if I’m in lane 1 and see someone switch from 3 to 2 and start tailgating the person in front, I slow down to let them jump ahead of me. Most of the time I’m stuck waitin on this person because obviously I knew what they wanted to do before they did. Very annoyin. I blame the driving attitude on the culture of Los Angeles as well. Everybody here thinks they are somebody and that they are more important than the next person. Most of the time, these people are nobodies and don’t mean shit to the planet and the well being of the world. However, since they feel their time is more precious than others, they will do whatever it takes to get where they need to go. For instance, more often than not I’ll see cars come to a red light and block an entrance or driveway. Even when the person tryin to turn into or out of the parking lot has been sittin there, blinker on, indicating “will someone be nice enough to let me turn?” Nope, muthafuckas will drive up to the bumper of the car in front of them and not think twice about the other person that also has somewhere to be. What’s the fuckin psychological sense in that? You ain’t goin nowhere. You at a fuckin red light. Stop a little short and let the person make the damn turn. The biggest perpetrators of the “me” attitude have to be the Koreans. Don’t be backin outta a driveway in K-Town because they will not stop and will chew off the back end of your car. Oh and don’t expect a thanks or a wave, or a smile when you let them cut ahead of you or let them make the turn into the lot because obviously you were supposed to let them go first. As bad as the Koreans are at driving, I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be a Mexican to kill me. They don’t stop at stop signs, red lights, or in stop and go traffic (look at the back my car if you need evidence). But it’s because of them I feel I have become a better driver. Even when the light is green, I still look both ways like I’m crossin the street. I’m always lookin in my rearview just to make sure there is enough braking distance between me and the person behind me. I really need to get a helicopter to get around this town.

Maybe it's a drill?

Today must be anti-sympathy day for me, because I keep hearin these stories that make normal people sad, but I laugh (kinda). Take for instance the Anti-kidnapping consultant that was recently kidnapped in Mexico. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m not laughin at the situation, I’m laughin at the guy. Or is it the other way round? Wait, I got it. I’m laughin at the irony. That would be like you seein your self defense instructor gettin his ass whupped in the parking lot. Nigga, how you gonna protect me from getting kidnapped when you gettin kidnapped? I tell you though, these Mexicans are gettin tough. Just the other day this Mexican chihuahua lookin muthafucka gonna be parked in front of a pump at a gas station. I honk my horn to get him out the way, it’s a gas station not a parking lot. Can you believe that he got out the car and tried to talk shit? I hopped out the car thinkin he would think twice and scurry back into his car…but I was dressed for work. ARGGH, I need to keep a hoody, some sweats, and a pair of Tims in my trunk. Let these brown muthafuckas know why white people cross the streets when they see us.

Hail Mary

Playboy has dropped the ball in Mexico and maybe around the world. The Mexican issue for this month has…well, look for yourself.

Now tell me what comes to mind when you see that cover? Keep in mind that this is December, that time of the year for some Mexican Catholics to celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe both which are tributes to the Virgin Mary. What’s really annoyin is the statement from Playboy sayin that there isn’t any religious symbolism and that they just happened to choose a girl named Maria (Mary) and just happened to use that outfit. Bullshit. And I think it’s really pathetic on Playboy’s part to not just fess up, apologize, issue a reprint, and sweep it under the rug (the things I would do to Maria’s rug…wait, can’t think like that, it’s the Virgin Mary. Hmmmm virgin, argggh end post). I stand corrected. Playboy Enterprises has issued an apology on behalf of them and Playboy Mexico (I guess it’s just a licensed name because Playboy said they had nothin to do with the cover choice). Good job my boy Hef. Funny I had to find that tidbit on Fox News. What gives CNN? Ya’ll really bein tabloid like nowadays.

Easier ways than getting a visa

I don’t even know if the people in this van were Mexican, but since there were like 40 people stuffed in one vehicle….I’m just sayin. Lol. It’s like a fuckin clown car; they just don’t stop comin out. (Actually I’m pretty sure they were running for the border lol)

Crash Landing

Allergies are acting up so lookin at the screen for an extended time gives me a headache. Guess I’ll have to keep it short today. VMAs are being hosted in LA but since I am without cable I can’t really see it or rant on it. But I’m downloading it as we speak (or read) along with Entourage, so tomorrow’s rant should be a good one!

So I came to a very sad realization this weekend. Nothin revolutionary but just solidified the argument. Beefing with 50 Cent will end your career or in this case, break up your group. Bring in Exhibit A: Dip-Set. Cam’ron and the Dips have survived beefs with Nas and Jay-Z, but as soon as they went up against 50…well you know the rest. 50 is a monster that has to be stopped. I don’t know what kinda incriminating pics or information he has on people in the rap game, but once you try to go head up against him, you’re done. The Game kinda survived but I think LAX is his last album, and The Game didn’t really have a career yet for 50 to extinguish. Fat Joe went up against 50, but Joey Crack is….well Joey Crack. And I don’t even know any Puerto Ricans that buy his shit.

Livin in LA, I’ve noticed a lot of things that differentiate the west from the east. Most notably is fashion. People in LA have no style. Everyone dresses like everyone else or what they see the celebrities do. The biggest culprit has to be the Mexicans. Not so much the guys, but the girls for sure. I think Mexican girls get a discount on skinny jeans, because every single one of them has at least 5 pairs. The problem with them wearing skinny jeans (and this doesn’t apply to all of them, but a good 80%) is the Mexican body structure. A lot of Mexican girls are top heavy. All the fat they have stops at the waist. It’s like the cells in their bodies won’t allow any fat to end up in the ass or legs. So you’re prolly thinkin “well, then what’s wrong with them wearin the jeans if they legs are skinny?” So I say to you, you need to paint a better picture in your head. If all the fat is kept at the top and they are wearing skinny jeans, take a moment a draw that out. It looks disgusting. It looks like the guy who spends all his time at the gym doin upper body workouts and neglects his legs. Except instead of muscle in that upper body, replace it with fat. Ohhhh, now you get the picture. Another thing I hate about the skinny jeans is when guys wear them and then try to sag their pants. A) No guy should be wearing jeans that tight (this ain’t the early 90s) and B) No guy should be saggin his pants (this ain’t the late 90s). Maybe they aren’t sagging, maybe their jeans are so tight, that’s as far up as they would go. Lol, either way it’s homo and a look that should be discarded.

Now that I’ve lost all my Latina friends, lol, I would like to mention one thing I like about them. They all seem to like to hug after just meeting you. Other ethnicities won’t let you get that close even if you fuckin them. So that’s pretty nice since they are top heavy, just gotta make sure your hand doesn’t get stuck in a roll, lmao.

In an act that smells more and more of desperation, McCain has vowed to have more than the one token Democrat in his Cabinet. He has promised U.S. Sen. Joseph Lieberman a spot as well, lol. But seriously, I wonder how it feels to run a race you know you’re losing?

We all know that Sarah Palin in 1984, she was crowned Miss Wasilla and she was runner-up in the subsequent Miss Alaska pageant later that year. I already made a joke about it. But here is the kicker…the person she lost to was Marilyne Blackburn, Alaska’s first BLACK winner. HAHAHAHAHAHA. How you lose to a black person in a state with no black people? The judges must have chose Marilyne for her “exoticness.” Did McCain know this before choosing Palin? Probably not, since he just drew names out a hat lmao. I guess Palin does have a lot of experience, since she’s already experienced losing to the first black winner!!!

Up in Fresno, cops have arrested a man that broke into a farm and woke up 2 of the farm workers by “rubbing spices” on one, and smacking the other one with an eight inch assuage. HAHAHAHA, how homo. I mean, if that was me, I woulda never reported that part to the cops. “Yeah officer, he woke me up by slapping me with an eight inch sausage.” The cops musta have been rollin on the floor laughin when writing the report.

I feel sorry for Bob:


The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!