2010 VMAs...sucked

So i had a personal request to come back...and the reason I'm doin this isn't because I owe that one person a favor or that they have nude pictures of me with a donkey and some whipped cream. No. I'm postin because I kinda miss it. The world is a crazy enough place to keep me employed and ranting till my grandkids take over the family business. Anyways, on to the 2010 MTV VMAs. I honestly believe that MTV is doing to the world what BET did to black people. The education system is failing and I think it falls on the shoulders of the media to properly educate the masses...but that's another rant.

The program was over two hours which gives me more than enough ammo to fire off for two days but I'ma try to keep this tight like Kim Kardashian's vagina. Now off the bat you think my analogy failed, but I digress. The bitch loves to keep herself together (so to speak) so I'm prettttty sure she's had that vagina rejuvenation surgery. It's the Kim K way!!! And I for one am happy for it, because I like it tight. Not snug. Tight. Like "hold on hold on, don't move I might bust" tight. The things I would do to Kim Kardashian would be deemed illegal after the video leaked. The Supreme Court would make up a new law just to prevent it from happening to another woman. And if you haven't seen her Playboy pics, you can check them here (NSFW).

First on my shit list is the people on the guest list. LADY GAGA!!! Of course I have to talk about her talented ass. And what an ass she has for a white girl. Oh and speakin of white girls with asses (or lack thereof) Chelsea Handler's bottom is very disappointing considerin all the attention it gets from anyone black on her show. Maybe she shoulda invested in Booty Pop for the VMAs. But back to Gaga. I don't like her. Her music is catchy. It's pop. It's manufactured. We've all seen Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta on Boiling Points and the YouTube videos of her pre fame performances. So it really annoys me when she turns into Gaga and talks about keepin it real and expressin yourself. Lady Gaga is a persona. Just like The Tenant. Just like Diddy. Yes, I put my name right in-between to great entertainers because I am a great entertainer...the world just doesn't know it yet. And to be honest, The Tenant isn't too far off from the real me. Just as crazy but a bit more impolite when blogging. Anyways, congrats to Gaga but stick to makin music not makin statements...your fashion sense and music is statement enough. Is it just me or were there no black presenters this year or did I fast forward past them all? Any black presenter had a white chaperone with them. Chelsea is hilarious on her show, but was clearly nervous being the first woman to host the VMAs in like 16 years or so. Or maybe she was worried about here sex tape being leaked soooon. Check out stills here (NSFW) Eh, maybe she'll get another shot hostin somethin else. If Sofia Vergara can fix her English just slightly, they should let her host. The things I would do to Kim K, I would practice with Sofia first. Ay mami!!! This year's VMAs is the first time I've heard Justin Bieber sing, dance, or ANYTHING! I look at him and a math equation pops in my head. Justin Timberlake - Timbaland = Justin Bieber. I will admit I can see his appeal - little Canadian boy swag. But at the end of the day I'm not downloadin his music off iTunes or iStealTunes. For the most part the people at the VMAs were very muted (thanks a lot Kanye) and nothin memorable happened. Maybe next year they'll shock people again. And when I say "they" I mean MTV because honestly nothin happens without their permission. White people love control.

Will.I.Am is more colorful inside than out

As far as performances go, I think the best might have to be...DJ Deadmau5. The LED Mickey Mouse head was awesome and he's a pretty good DJ. Click on his name to check his website. I don't do house/trance/dance/techo etc. but I could see myself poppin a Skittle at one of his parties. Second place can go to Kim Kardashian for pretending she likes Justin Bieber when she really wants me. And third place can go to Em and Rihanna. B.o.B.'s performance was cut short, Kanye's new song was going for first place till the autotune came out, nobody cares about Taylor Swift anymore, and Usher looked like he needed a walker after his performance. Honestly, I was like is Usher gonna dance or not? He broke it down a bit, but not the Usher we all remember. Guess the little baby is keepin him up at night, now that he's a single father (I told him not to marry that bitch and here's proof). The "What The Fuck" moment has resulted in a tie between Will.I.Am's matte finish makeup and Swizz Beats pretending to play the piano during Drake's performance. Will.I.Am look like a fuckin Kaws doll. It's wasn't bad compared to what other artist do (*cough*Gaga*cough*) but it was like...what the fuck? And Swizzy needs to stop. Oh you bangin a world renown piano player (Alicia Keys for those of you not in the know) so you think you can bang on a piano? WRONG!!! Sit your funny lookin ass down. Preferably a bench without a piano in front of it. Mary J. did kill it, but that's like sayin the NYPD likes to target blacks. DUHHHHH!!!

So that's it. That's my take on this year's VMAs. I wish the cast of Jersey Shore drowned in the jacuzzi but one can only wish. I'ma leave ya with the last performance, Kanye's "Runaway" which is also a film he directed...not anticipating that. Don't get me wrong, Kanye is a visionary for sure but ummm we know what happens when he tries to put his vision to film. Shout out to DJ HeaVyneSS for providing the video. I know the video is really from MTV but DJ HeaVyneSS is the best DJ on the east coast that hasn't gone global yet...so fuck off and go to his site.

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Kanye interrupts Taylor Swift (a lovely white girl)

MTV Shows

Ok, ya’ll know how I feel about ‘Ye. I respect him in every aspect and all his actions whether it’s socially right or not. But this shit right here is totally disrespectful. It’s one thing do shit that affects you and you alone, but he interrupted Taylor’s moment. That shit is ridiculous. Did you see her face? He ruined her moment. There is no forgiving that. I mean Taylor will prolly win another moon man in her life (once she does some country pop), but still. Douchebag. I don’t know of any sane person who thinks what Kanye did was cool. EVERYONE and their MOMMMAS have called him out his name for that. I believe he apologized on Twitter but what the fuck is that? Yeah it’s public but I don’t find it to be the most sincere form. He should give her a beat. That’s love right there. No sickos, he should give her a beat like have sex with her…he has Amber to beat up (in slang, to “beat up” means to beat up the pussy. That’s good sex right there). He should produce one of her next tracks. Everyone has lashed out at him sayin he only did it to Taylor Swift because he could, meaning she’s a small white girl who wouldn’t have punched him in the face. They prolly right. He wouldn’t have let his drunkenness get the best of him if a stronger personality was onstage. And Beyonce still won Video of the Year. So what the fuck Kanye? What the fuck?

MTV Shows

Dammmmmmmmn, is she smuggling Killer Tomatoes in that dress? Classy broad. Gotta love her.



*Update - Kanye was on the Jay Leno show and he apologized:

He shoulda blamed it on the alcohol. Because now it seems like he was in the right state of mind when he did it and that's just corny. Whatever. I still listen to R. Kelly, MJ, and Chris Brown...I'll most likely still listen to Kanye.

2009 VMA Red carpet

Last VMA shit…the hotness. Was the theme for the award show black and gold or silver dresses? No fashion forwardness…I don’t include Lady Gaga because she really isn’t fashionable. More like an experiment gone wrong. I like the spikes in Katy’s dress. Anyways, VMA red carpet. Enjoy!!!

The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!

Victoria's Secret Models should dance in underwear

Alessandra and Marisa are on some MTV show, dancing off…


All I know is I wanna insert my penis in Marisa’s buttock. Owwwwww.

Ben Stiller shouldn't be laughing

I didn’t really watch the MTV Movie Awards because I don’t really fancy award shows…the wrong people always win. But on Sunday night, someone very deserving won. Ben Stiller won the MTV Generation award (which is their lifetime award) for his contributions to the movie industry. Ben Stiller is definitely the man, even though I don’t agree with his latest choices (Night at the Museum? I’ll pass). And you would think that the people that presented this award would be some of his good friends or at least someone else who has won the award before, right? Wrong. You know who gave the Generation award to Ben? 24 star Kiefer Sutherland, Zac Efron and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Wow, really? Zac Efron ain’t even funny and Kiefer is a violent jackass. And a muthafuckin hand puppet? Talk about little respect. So where were his good pals like Robert DeNiro or Owen Wilson? According to their reps they were busy. Busy filming or what not. Too busy to save their friends decency. While I can see Ben forgiving his friends for bailing out on him (which he should still give them shit for), I don’t see how he can forgive MTV for steppin to him so incorrect. This is Ben muthafuckin Stiller and you put Triumph on stage with him? Wow. So glad I didn’t watch that go down.