Tiger's Woody

Another thing that is pissing me off is the Tiger Woods fiasco. Let me first start off by saying: Yes I’m glad he was caught. Cheating on your spouse is not cool. Yes, she should have beaten his ass for it. I think it’s a great thing that the media exposed him and I wish every cheater was exposed nationally when caught (I love that show Cheaters)…maybe they’ll think twice before stepping out. Now here are the issues I have with the fiasco. First, why hasn’t Ellin Woods been arrested for domestic violence? If Rihanna had cheated on Chris Brown with 9+ dudes, would he be justified for the trashing he gave her? Ellin Woods almost KILLED her husband. He crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree tryin to escape her. Yet the state of Florida hasn’t come forward to punish her. That’s bullshit. I know she’s hurting and what not but laws are laws correct? Maybe Chris Brown shoulda admitted to Rihanna giving him herpes (not sayin its true, just a strong rumor) or admitted to Rihanna hitting him first (also not sayin it true, just strong rumors. But what is true is that they had a violent relationship. She HAS hit him before). Then he wouldn’t look like such a bad guy. Another issue I have is with this home wrecking hoes. Yea, I know Tiger is the main villain but every villain has a sidekick (or 12 in Tiger’s case) that sticks with him no matter what. YOU DON’T RAT!!! Now I don’t know how the media figured out whom these other women are but I do know that it was because these women talked about it to SOMEONE, they were exposed. And to make matters worse, instead of just denying it some of them have came on TV or sold their story. Not only is it a despicable act to admit that you’re a home wrecking whore, but did you even think about Mrs. Tiger Uppercut and her kids? I applaud Rachel (the first one) for keepin silent about it until other women came forth…she then figured I need to make my cut too lol. But admitting to the nation rather than just your pastor that you slept with Tiger while he was married is just going to DESTROY Ellin. How can she even step outside anymore? Soooo embarrassing. Terribly embarrassing. It’s like does she wanna turn on the TV and risk seeing ANOTHER girl come forth? People look at her with that ‘pity’ look. So a big fuck you to the whores Tiger fucked. I hope you don’t get a penny and I hope your reps are tarnished. But then back to Tiger and for my next point I’ma quote 50 Cent. Not sure the source, someone sent it to me in my inbox - "Thirteen women and no condoms - you're a gambling man ain't you Tiger? Rappers use condoms often. Golfers apparently don't use condoms,” 50 Cent joked. “It’s interesting when you pick your women at Perkins. That’s why you get told on. When she tells it’s not really her fault, especially when you didn’t give her nothing and she’s at Perkins.” It appears that Tiger paid some of these women hush money but not all. That is a mistake. A bigger mistake is not fuckin with someone who has JUST as much to lose as you. That’s one thing dickheads never think about. They always want the easy piece of ass. If I was a BILLIONAIRE golfer like Tiger, I would only fuck with married Princesses lol. Seriously, that way she ain’t runnin her mouth because she’ll prolly be shot. Last but not least, the other irritant in this Woods Gate is of course the media. But it’s not the normal celebrity outlets I’m mad at. ESPN has added a Tiger spot on their ticker that scrolls at the bottom of the screen. Tiger has his own ticker mark. WHYYYYY? He’s not golfing. There is no reason for ESPN to report on anything Tiger related if it’s not about sports. Yesterday while at the gym, I was watching CNN on the screen and they brought in political advisors/public relations to give their thoughts on what Tiger should do to repair his image. Now, CNN has their own celebrity outlets…so leave that shit for them. Talk politics for crying out loud. Lord knows you have enough cheaters in that circle to repair.

Shawne Merriman is top story on Cracka News Network

So “big” news this weekend is about how San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman was arrested SUSPICION of choking and restraining MTV reality show star Tila Tequila. Not even a real arrest because Tila was FULL of tequila and there were no marks on her. Shawne is black of course, so he would be arrested. And I will pull the race card. I don’t give a fuck. This is breaking news on CNN. Oh really? Where was the breaking news when Joe Francis (of Girls Gone Wild fame) beat up Brody Jenner’s girlfriend Playboy playmate, Jayde Nicole (remember the PETA girl with the lettuce bikini…check it out here)? Nobody made a fuss over that and that’s a bitch with a legitimate job. And she’s white. Aren’t white women America’s favorite demographic? I guess any chance to bring a black man down, the media will jump on it and Americans will RELISH in the fact. Hate you all. Make me sick. Merriman tried to restrain Tequila from leavin his home…hmmm I wonder why. Maybe because the bitch was drunk? That might be a good reason to stop someone from leavin. And he still got arrested. Even his lawyers said there are more than enough witnesses to collaborate his story. If that was the case, why was he arrested to begin with? Why didn’t they question the people there and get the facts straight? Joe Francis beat up Jayde and she’s pressin charges and there was no arrest warrant issued. Nobody went to Joe’s home and picked him up. Nobody made it news besides TMZ. Bullshit.

CNN's April Fools?

I don’t know if this is a real story because I couldn’t find it on CNN’s website. So it could be an April Fool’s joke…but if not, that’s really ballsy.

For one, I’m glad that I’m a white skinned BROWN eyed muthafucka. But I still blame the white man for everything too, but I guess I shoulda been more specific. Blue eyed muthafuckas gotta go!!!

Top news is about idiots on Facebook?

In breakin news today, imposters swindle money from people on Facebook. Um, ok. This CNN/Facebook callabo is gonna wear thin if CNN is gonna make shit like this their top stories.

I mean if people are still gonna fall for shit like this, then fuck em…let the Nigerians eat well lol. If one of my friends was in trouble the first thing I would do is PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE AND CALL THEM! A little common sense goes a long way people. I seriously think the internet has made people SCARED of using the telephone. Seriously. Like the other day, I was talkin to someone on FB and the chat was messin up due to my terrible internet connection (FUCK ROAD RUNNER!!!) and the whole time I was wonderin will this person ever just call me and finish the conversation? Needless to say the person didn’t and instead was upset that I was “ignoring” them. Foolishness. When the aliens are ready to take over, they won’t have to knock out our water, food, or power. Just shut down the internet and text messaging and we’re all doomed.

TV networks mad at second oath

The TV stations mad? Didn’t ya’ll spend a whole day covering Obama? What makes you think I wanna watch another half an hour of a repeat? They redid it, they took pics, then let you know, what more do you want? And I thought I liked to complain for no reason.

Inauguration 2009: CNN/Facebook collabo

Lots of people complained about the CNN/Facebook internet feed. I didn’t have any issues with it once I installed some advanced Flash player it prompted. But it was quite fun watchin people update their statuses. One of the funniest was one person claimed to be bargaining with the internet gods, lol. My thing was, why did you wait so long to find out you couldn’t connect? I had the feed going an hour before the actual inauguration just in case somethin wasn’t actin right. Aretha was singin and people were still just updating their flash player smh. Tammy G had a status message that said she “is sick of hearing My President is black... do you not read he's mixed 1/2 black 1/2 white My president is a MAN.” While I applaud her efforts to see beyond color, the fact of the matter is mixed people are seen as only the minority portion. Regardless of who raised them and where they were raised, unless they come off like an Oreo, everyone will see them as minority. That’s the (sad) truth but the truth. Now Obama knows he’s black and accepts it. My President plays basketball not bowling. My President married a strong black woman, not a trust fund baby. My President has swagger not coolness. My President is Black. Charles H. E. “just heard Tupac is about to perform LIVE!” wow, people are just hilarious! Ed W. can't wait to vote him out. Some people’s status messages put Obama on a pedestal close to God…which I hope is just the hormones kickin in and people feelin ecstatic. You already saw how nervous the man is, the last thing he needs is people callin him America’s Savior. Another thing someone pointed out was the lack of emails, calls, or text messages being sent out. I guess the phone systems were dead or everyone was glued to the tube. I appreciated not gettin 100 text messages sayin “Yes We Can” or “My President is Black”. So did anyone do work yesterday? I mean, I work from home so I was able to do a little bit of both. Hell, I think I worked harder yesterday than I usually do. But a lot of status messages had the tune of “today won’t be a productive day.” Makes you wonder, maybe they shoulda just came in late.

17 days...

Dear CNN,

If you are going to give D.L Hughley, the unfunniest comedian (possibly worse than Dane Cook), a TV show to broadcast the “news” then you should give me a show too or at least allow me to write D.L.’s jokes. Otherwise I will figure out a way to classify that show as slavery, blaxploitation, or unconstitutional. Thank you.

Sincerely, The Tenant.

Gotta catch 'em all!!

Ugh, Napa. I couldn’t even be at the Marriot with the Raiders and front like I’m 3^rd string towel boy. Towel boys get pussy too…they just have to clean it up first, lmao. I wonder about myself sometimes, like why do I think like this? It can’t be healthy.

So, it’s time I addressed somethin that I’ve been holdin my tongue about for the longest time. It’s because I actually have friends that do this, and readin The Rant is always funny till it’s about you, lol. So if you take offense….fuck you, lol. Movin on. I don’t like when people treat Facebook like its MySpace. The first offense: topless photos. And I wouldn’t complain about this offense if it wasn’t for the fact that the only people on Facebook with their shirts off are guys. Girls don’t even make their day at the beach their profile pic. I’m tired of lookin at status updates and seein a dude with no shirt on. Nigga, this ain’t no bodybuilding site. This isn’t match.com or Adult Friend Finder! Even on matchmaking sites, the topless photo is usually the locked photo. What the fuck are doin makin it your profile pic? The worse is when these skinny niggas be doin it. Another offense: collecting friends. I understand this is a social networking site and that you are suppose to meet different people of different backgrounds. But tooooo many people click on the ‘add as friend’ link without knowing how to properly maintain contacts. Personally, I’d rather have friends only and use LinkedIn or MySpace to network. But let’s say you’re one of the types of people to use Facebook to “network”, then properly learn how to maintain your contacts. Meaning, you don’t contact someone only when you need somethin from them (which is actually better than most people who don’t speak to you again after you click ‘accept’). I am slowly but surely gettin rid of friends that think I’ma baseball card. Another offense: More applications than they know what to do with. Thank goodness that the new Facebook has changed the layout so that it looks cleaner, but I seriously didn’t know what Wall to write on when people had their Wall, Fun Wall, Super Wall, Advanced Wall, Super Fun Advanced Wall, etc. Pages got real ugly, real fast. I have other annoyances but I’ll limit it to these top three. Maybe I’ll post the others ones up as they become more bothersome. These boys took that topless Facebook shit to a whole new level of gayness.

I think we figured out why Hayden Panettiere is dating a child molester (not really, but I still think he’s a tad bit old). She has daddy issues (duh, shoulda seen this comin right?) It appears her pops was arrested for abusing his wife. According to police reports, he struck the women three times with an open hand. It was discovered later that he was watchin the trailer for Street Fighter IV and got excited. Lol, that nigga E. Honda’d her ass. But seriously, domestic violent isn’t a laughing matter. Neither is child molestation. So they should seek counseling, fast. Then hopefully I can get with her tight ass.

So I kinda ran outta things to rant about so I’ma talk about black celebrities. This past weekend was the Ozone Awards. For my Caucasian readers, the Ozone Awards isn’t an event where we recognize blacks for their contribution to saving the environment. No, it’s a place where niggas can act like niggas. Just like the Vibe awards, lol. Mike Jones (who? Exactly) got punched in the face by another nobody from Houston. Rick Ross, yea the cop, and his crew got into a fight with DJ Vlad and his crew.

It appears white people aren’t the only people that do some sick shit. Police have arrested the person responsible for the death of a woman at Lil’ Kim’s birthday party this past weekend, who was a club employee and targeted the woman because she was drunk. He promised her VIP access, but he instead took her to the roof where he tried to rape or rob her (cops aren’t sure) and when he failed, he killed her with a lead pipe in the Study. Sorry, I thought we were playin Clue. Seriously tho, that’s fucked up. Where were her girlfriends at? Isn’t that why ya’ll roll in packs?

This is what you look like when you are no longer a Nigga On the Run Eating, and just a nigga eating:









Yes, that is Capone-N-Noreaga
Representin MV, Martha’s Vineyard!




The Rant Is Due Muthafucka!!!