Stewie's hit list

I have a couple additions to that list: people who update their Facebook status messages in the first person, Nadya Suleman, any media outlet that overuses the prefix “Octo-“, most of the people that drive in LA, anyone with loans, credit card debit, or mortgage payments that think they can balance the budget better than the government, and boyfriends who don’t show up to their girl’s birthday party.

Talkin about The Man (uh oh)

There is a website called, Things White People Like. I think they should take it one step further and call it Things White People Like To Do. First entry: Fart in public (usually in crowded areas). Now I’m not sayin that other races don’t fart in public, but we just make sure the collateral damage is low. I was up in the club last week and this dude who was drunk beyond stupidity just kept talkin to me with that monkey slang (“What up dog?”, “Where the hoes at?!?”, “Let’s go dance up on these bitches” Like that’s how niggas talk…he needs to turn that TV off). And he wouldn’t stop pestering me. So we go dance with some girls and then all of a sudden he runs off (not really run, but tries to exit slyly) and a second later me and the girls are all gaspin for air. That boy’s ass was somethin you would find in a lab. Pure sulfur. But ya’ll be doin that shit man. Be in a muthafuckin airplane to Salt Lake City with 3 white people in front of me, 2 next to me, and 3 behind me (cuz ain’t no black people in Utah) and someone decides not to head to the restroom. Sulfur. You know how you can stomach some farts, like you just control your breathing so that the whiff you take isn’t too deep? Nah, these the farts if you breath in you either die, or kill the nigga next to you because you think they did it (but chances are it came from a further distance, makin me wonder how bad was it at the origin?).

Pet Peeves

I really hate when people tell me that they ran into my family members, because I don’t know what the hell to say to that. Usually when your family runs into old acquaintances, you can ask things like: “O, how are they doing? Or “Do they still look like they are doing coke?” But when your friend sees your family member and mentions it to you, what do you say? “Oh, you just saw my sister? How is she doing since I spoke to her 30 minutes ago.” or “You ran into my mom at the store? What a coincidence, I ran into her in the kitchen this morning. She says ‘Hi’” It’s really fuckin annoyin. So the next time you see my family, don’t act like a damn stalker and mention it to me.