Fat man wants his chicken...

This is exactly why you don’t come between fat people and their food:

I'm buyin a tour bus

Yesterday was one of my scarier flights. The turbulence heading into LA was ridiculous. It felt like a little child picked up the plane and was shakin it up and down. To make matters worse, I wasn’t even sittin in my preferred seat. When I book flights I always get a window seat on the wing no more than 3 rows away from an exit. This is so that I can insure my survival just in case the plane decides to go down or split in half and I get sucked out with my seat. I’ve seen enough action movies to turn my jacket and seat cushion into a proper landing device lol. But seriously, I get the seats because I feel safer. Well when boardin my connectin flight from Chicago to LA, I handed my ticket to the lady at the gate and then the machine rejects my ticket. The lady tells me I have to go to the desk for a new ticket. Find out I’ve been reassigned because some obese bastard is takin up an entire row. Now I’ve been reassigned to the last seat in the back of the plane. And it's a damn aisle seat. I wouldn’t even want a window seat back there because all you would see is the FUCKING JET’S ENGINE! And I’m bein seated next to a bearded man named Mohammed who was actin real fidgety and agitated at the gate before the flight (found out he missed his flight and was upset with the lack of support from American Airlines, but it didn’t help that TSA did a “random” luggage check too…seriously, I could make this stuff up but I’m not.) Anyways I’m alive but I can’t say the same for the 17 people killed in a plane crash yesterday in Montana. It appears that a single engine plane went down and crashed in a cemetery (of all places). There was another plane crash in Japan. A FedEx plane landed but was caught by the wind so it bounced around, tipped over, and burst into flames. Like I’ve said before, I don’t know what I’ve done in my past life to be so lucky, but I don’t take a damn thing for granted.

Orca watch '09

This is all a moot point for me now. The girl gained weight, we all noticed, now we move on. She ain’t unhealthy or anythin like that, she’s just a girlfriend that has gotten comfortable. Isn’t this what all girlfriends do? Fall in love, get fat. Routine. I’m just postin this video because of Nick Lachey’s response. Nice choice of words douchebag lmao.

Kim Kardashian thinks Jessica Simpson looks beautiful

I like it when big girls rally together to support. Seriously Kim, shut the fuck up, you were border line till you got the lipo and what not. Jessica is not thick like you are. And it’s not like we callin her obese. We are just makin notes about Jess. Note that her arms are fat, her back is fat, and her sides are fat. She is fat. Thick girls are “fat” (which is a popular misconception) only at the breasts, legs, and ass so Jess is not thick for a white girl. She is not a Unicorn but more like a white donkey (dumb as one too). Girls that are the real definition of thick don’t even have fat, it’s muscle. Think of the Williams sisters….scratch that, don’t think of them above the waist. I don’t want you blamin me for nightmares and shit. Side note, did anyone see Serena get her ankles broke two nights ago by Dementieva? That shit was like an And 1 mixtape. If anyone can find video of it, please email it to therantisdue at gmail.com. Thanks

Obesity isn't cool

First a woman shot herself, then a man killed his family, but today what I am reporting is the most shocking. The economy is SO bad that a bed-ridden man in Mexico who weighed 990 lbs. died of heart failure!!! So maybe that has nothing to do with the economy, but damn 990lbs? He said that after his parents died from natural causes 2 weeks apart, he couldn’t stop eating (he was 47 when they died, not like 6 or somethin). Well, I really don’t wanna act like I’m an expert on why depressed people eat, but I’ll tell you that he gets as much sympathy from me as a chain smoker who died of lung cancer would. I don’t believe in “depression cycles”, I believe in will power and the lack of it.

One wild ride

Lesson to be learned from this event: If you don’t work out and increase your strength, your child may fall to his or her doom. Now big girl got lucky that she was just on a ride and not over the side of a bridge or hanging from a helicopter (lol, random) cuz she coulda lost her child. I would make another joke, but I think it’s borderline cruel and I’m too tired to be cruel.