Rebates for clunkers program

Only if I liked American made cars. You know, I talk all this shit about savin my country and payin extra taxes and yadda yadda but when it comes to helpin the big 3…I just can’t. THOSE CARS DON’T GOT AN ALIBI!!! Seriously, like my roommate and I sat and discussed what American made cars we’d get. We both agreed on the Cadillac (General Motors) CTS. I also threw in XLR and Escalade because honestly, come 10 years those cars will still look good. Everythin else is just uninspired and blah. And I guess that’s why I don’t support the rebates. Not because it just adds to the deficit (who cares, deficit shecifit to me) but because there aren’t any cars out there worth purchasing. Maybe a Challenger or Camero but you won’t get a rebate for that. Pontiacs are cars for women and Saturns are cars for people who don’t like cars but need to get around. The new Ford Taurus would be a good buy but I need somethin sportier. And Ford cars (outside of the GT) are about as sporty as that nerd in high school who got to skip P.E. because he had a “doctor’s note” for his asthma. This is the evil paradox that the Big 2 and 4 have to face which is “people don’t like our current cars but we won’t have money to build new cars until people start buyin our cars.” I’m hopin that the American auto industry goes out on a limb with the bailout money and creates somethin so spectacular that even I give up my imports for it. I really hope they think of somethin since I’m still holdin on to my worthless GM stock (I know I know tell me about it).

The Rant's ideas to increase car sales

With the American auto industry goin the way of the dinosaurs, the Federal government has stepped in to work with car markers on ways to incentivize (that’s spelled right? I was waitin on Word to red flag it) customers into showrooms. Programs such as the “cash for clunkers” which will “give a cash bonus - perhaps $3,000 to $5,000 to people who trade in older gas guzzlers when they buy more fuel efficient new cars. The cars that are turned in would then be junked rather than sold as used cars.” Why didn’t they call it “cash for trash”? That sounds cooler. Also the feds plan on backin any warranty on any new car purchased (just in case the company goes bankrupt. Good call, glad I thought of that). And the now famous, “we’ll make your payments for you” program, just in case you lose your job after buyin a new car. I think those programs are fine and dandy but I’ve come up with a couple of my own incentives. One is “Service with a smile”, which basically means whenever you come in and get your car serviced, you get serviced too! So if you comin in for like tire rotations, then you’d get like a handjob. Or if you gettin your oil changed, a blow job. For major repairs, sex IS on the menu. Lol. For southern dealerships and dealerships near Negros, you could offer deafening sound systems and 25” rims that match the candy colored paint of the car (Chevy dealerships won’t be able to keep up with the demand, I PROMISE!). GM is offerin free OnStar for a year, but how about for AARP members a year’s supply of Depends or custom fit the car with an oxygen tank! Wow, that’s just what we need. Old drivers with a highly combustible gas strapped to their mobile death beds. Wow. Great idea Tenant, great idea.